#ponys no good terrible very very very bad week

[broareweabouttoviberightnow]

i yearn for ponyboy angst after johnny and dally die and for once he needs darry and not soda...or more of the curtis bros grieving their parents/their friends/their childhoods together. just curtis bro angst all day every day. love ur stuff!

AGH!! TY LOVE!! this ask has been truly rottin' in my brain I thought about it durin' my ENTIRE shift today!! I hope you like it!! fic under the cut!!

also song >:D

"Pony?" Darry's sayin' my name in a way that implies he's been sayin' it a while. I blink at him 'n I don't know where I've been. My fingers are all wrapped up in my jeans, white-knuckled. I try to relax but my body doesn't listen to me one bit, so I forget it.

"I've been callin' you, where were you at?" He crosses the room 'n taps a finger gently to my temple, brushin' my bangs off my forehead.

I shrug 'n he worries at his lip. "Somewhere else, I guess." Darry looks stricken but that's how he always looks nowadays: worried.

"I gotta talk to you about your hair, Pony baby." I inhale sharply 'n Darry's face twists up a little more. He moves all slow, eases down onto the couch beside me 'n wraps an arm around my shoulders like I might fall to pieces.

"I'm not colorin' it I swear to God I'm not-" Steve had made a joke, some comment, maybe even just a suggestion, that I dye my hair back to its normal color. I don't think he meant anythin' bad by it. I dunno. I can see it more now. Darry's rough 'cause he's scared. Steve was mean when he meant to be kind. I think Dallas was like that. Rough 'cause he didn't know how to be soft.

I think I said somethin' awful to him. I was always doin' that. Bein' cruel 'cause it all hurt so bad. Last week Darry 'n I had fought 'cause it's all we knew how to do 'n I'd told him I bet he wished I had died that night. Just like-

I didn't mean it. I never meant it. I didn't know how to not mean it.

"Honey?" I shake my head. Darry's lookin' at me again with big scared eyes 'n I know I've done it again. Gone somewhere.

"Sorry." Darry cups the side of my face, there are new wrinkles alongside his eyes. He always looks like he's just waitin' for somethin' bad to happen.

"S'ok, baby. I ain't gonna make you do nothin' to your hair." Soda's beside me now, too. I don't remember when he got there. "We've been talkin' 'n baby... we need you to let us help you wash it."

I flinch. Hard. Straight back into Soda's arm 'n know he had it there, ready to brace me. "No." Darry sighs, glances over my head, 'n Soda gathers me up into his arms.

"Look, honey. I'm not gonna make you. But I think... you'll feel a bit better. You don't gotta take a shower or nothin'. Maybe a bath?" Darry tries, reachin' out 'n coverin' my hand in his.

"No." I don't know what it was. I'd gone through the damn fire 'n come out scared of the fuckin' water. That night in the fountain was a million years ago. Glory, I don't know how I had space in my head to even remember it.

But I did. Fuck. I did.

"Hey Pony? Can we try somethin' else then? If you humor me?" Soda's tone is pliant 'n a little too bouncy. It gets like that sometimes. But someone has to be alright. So we don't mention it.

He climbs off the couch, pulls me gently up 'n I don't fight it. Darry's got a hand on my shoulder 'n Soda's got his arms around me still 'n they were like this more. Since. Like if they weren't always touchin' me I'd fade right away into nothin'. Sometimes it was nice. Sometimes it made me want to bite 'n tear 'n fuckin' scream.

The kitchen counter is clear, a couple towels folded onto the table, a chair tipped back against the sink. Soda guides me over to the chair, asks me a million questions in those big brown eyes he has that I don't know how to go about answerin'.

Are you fine? Is this fine? Does this remind you of- Does this remind you- Does this-

"Look, if you sit here you can rest your head back 'n I can wash your hair out without havin' to get you any closer to the water. D'ya think... that's somethin' you can stomach?" Soda's off to my side doin' all the talkin' but I'm lookin' straight out at Darry. He's still got a hand on my shoulder 'n Jesus. Has he always looked at me like that?

He shifts his weight 'n furrows his brow. His hand comes up slowly like I'm a spooked animal that might bolt. Some kicked dog. Some scared foal. He cups the side of my face 'n it occurs to me. It's the same place he'd once struck.

Odd. Both times touched in fear. A million years apart. I'm not even sure he notices.

"Pony?" I finally tear my eyes off Darry 'n when I twist my head, he lets his hand fall back to my shoulder.

"Ok." My voice aches. It always does. Maybe from the smoke. Maybe from the cold burn of that still water rottin' in my lungs even now. "Ok, I'll try." The look that Soda 'n Darry shoots over my head is filled with such a palpable relief I nearly cry.

"Ok, baby. I know this isn't easy. D'you think you can... take his jacket off?" Soda already has both hands around my biceps, just gently restin' there like he knows I'm gonna flinch again. "I ain't gonna take it-" My eyes flicker to Darry 'n hurt flashes across his face (not meanin' it, not knowin' how not to)- "'n neither is Dar. I just don't wanna get it wet 'n mess it up, ok hon? But if it's too much I can just try my best to avoid it?"

I clutch at the collar. 'N I can hear his voice clear as day. You better not fuck that leather up. You have no idea how much trouble it was to steal.

'N I almost laugh. Almost.

"He'd kill me if I let you give it the kitchen sink treatment." 'N my voice sounds all thick in my ears. I want to laugh. I want Dallas to knock me up the back of my head for even thinkin' of it. I want-

"Oh, Ponybaby." Soda's arms are around me again. I'm cryin'. When did I start cryin'? Why? 'N it's one of those times I don't want them to hold me. Jesus. It makes me want to run. To let the ache in my throat dissolve into the burn in my lungs. I want to bite 'n tear 'n scream.

But all I can do is sit there. Stiff in the arms I wish I could melt into.

"Soda." Darry drops a hand onto his shoulder 'n gently pries him off of me. When he takes his face out of my neck his cheeks are wet 'n I don't know whether it's my tears or his. "He's not-"

Here.

For a long moment, none of us move. Like a gunfight. Or a caged animal. 'N then I drag blunt nails under my eyes 'n scrub my face 'n Darry blows out a long breath like he'd been holdin' it. He lets go of Soda 'n we all go back to pretendin' nothin' happened. Or at least I do.

"Do you... want help?" When I look down my knuckles are white against the collar. I flex my fingers 'n they burn like that time I'd split them against some socs' jaw. Or that night Johnny 'n I had slept in the backyard out under the stars 'n the cold scalded along my hands 'n cracked my skin 'n I'd bled 'n bled 'n bled-

"Don't make me do it." 'N when I'd looked up at Darry I knew he understood what I meant. I squeezed my eyes shut 'n felt hands roughened by labors of love that had done nothin' but leave him with callouses 'n scars rest at my neck. He pulls the jacket off quickly 'n the rush of winter air slinkin' through the cracks we'd never be able to seal up scorches against my bare arms. I don't open my eyes until Darry presses the bundle to my chest.

When I look to Soda again, his face is dry 'n he's wearin' this encouragin' little smile that tugs too tight on the edges of his mouth. "You ready, Pony?"

I nod. Just a bob of my chin that takes every last ounce of strength in me. Darry turns, yanks another chair close to my side 'n Soda guides my head down to the sink.

The tap flips on. A lonely titterin' against the empty bowl. I don't control anythin' that happens after. Not the low, whimperin' sob that snakes out of my mouth. Not the way my shoulders jar up 'n away. Not my nails bitin' into Darry's arm so hard they leave bloody, half moons in their wake.

"No. Soda, no. Soda. I can't." Darry smooths one hand over my forehead 'n I reach for his wrist, catch it tight 'n hold on like if I don't let go he can keep me out of that night. If I can keep him here I can't go back.

"Pony?" Soda drops down so he can see my face. Reaches out to wrap me in his arms 'n I flinch. Fuckin' flinch. Right back 'n up into Darry's lap.

'N none of us are movin' again. Soda's falterin' in place, arms half reached out 'n face a mask of hurt 'n Jesus why do I always hurt the people I love? Why can't I stop bitin' the hand that wants to hold me?

"What is it, Pony? Are you here?" 'N I can't make my voice or body or anythin' work the way it should. But before I can stop it I choke out-

"Darry." 'N Darry lets out a little noise from somewhere so far in the back of his throat it comes out like a whimper.

"Oh, little colt." 'N suddenly his arms are around me again. My face is pressed into his chest 'n I'm heavin' deep sobs that have been rottin' in my chest for too long. Since before Dallas or Johnny. Before the week in the church or that night in the park. Maybe since Mama. Since Daddy. Since the last person to call me that was put in the freezin' Tusla earth.

"I love you." 'N it's whispery 'n waverin' 'n also the surest thing I've ever heard. 'N this time when I feel Soda return to my side, feel Darry open his arms 'n hold us both like were disappearin' before his eyes I just let myself be held. "You're here."

I am.

'N then he's shiftin' 'n I'm clutchin' his shirt tighter 'n he's pettin' my hair 'n tippin' my head back 'n not makin' me let him go though I'm too goddamn old 'n too big to be beggin' for my older brother.

"Keep your eyes closed, colt." 'N Soda's whisperin' somethin' low 'n soft 'n just louder than the sound the tap makes as it drip drip drips against the sink. 'N when the water runs along my temples 'n along the line of the scar that I'll carry until I die from the night I lost two brothers I don't think of the fountain.

No.

I think about the hot afternoon I won my first track race, felt sweat slide along my brow 'n saw the sun glint off Dallas' silver tooth even from way up in the stands. Hear the whoop of his voice still marred thick 'n heavy with his New York drawl. I think of runnin' home through the lot dodgin' the fat rain drops 'n stoppin' only to let Johnny catch up. Throwin' my head back 'n laughin'. Of the spray of a passin' car. I think of Soda laughin' as he flicks the spatterin' of water left on his hands at my face when we finish the dishes 'n mama not even scoldin' us.

I think of Darry's hands wet from the laundry as he runs a thumb absently over my face. Memorizin' it with calloused fingers when he thinks I've dropped off to sleep. The gentleness of his achin' love for us. Low 'n constant 'n how had I ever missed it?

"We're done, honey." 'N then I'm buried in his chest again, Dallas' jacket pressed against my stomach 'n Johnny's letter tucked into the inside pocket closest to my heart. Bangs drippin' cold between my brow, along my nose, 'n minglin' with tears never gone long enough to dry. 'N for the first time since it all, I'm right here. 'N it doesn't even hurt. It just aches.

[johnnycakesswitch]

Do you have any anxious!Ponyboy headcanons??

Omg absolutely 😁

• Ponyboy was always an anxious kid, but it got a lot worse after his parents died. He would have those awful nightmares and sometimes really bad ones would cause a panic attack. Soda sleeping with him helped that a lot though

• one thing that helps calm him a lot is reading, so if Johnny notices that Pony’s been really stressed or anxious lately, he’ll ask Ponyboy to read out loud to him because he knows it’ll give him something to focus on and it usually settles his nerves a little

• he hates being anxious so much because it not only stresses him out a lot, but it has such a physical affect on his body. He doesn’t get a lot of sleep, head and stomachaches become so frequent, and he never has an appetite when he’s feeling so much anxiety like this. If it’s really bad, he’ll even throw up sometimes because it’s just so much and his body doesn’t know what to do

• some big triggers for his anxiety to spike are when he’s overwhelmed or if his mind starts to make up these crazy scenarios of something terrible happening. Finals week at school is always a bad time for everyone. Pony is just miserable because he stresses himself out so bad and the others feel awful not knowing how to help him. If Darry or Soda are ever home late from work without calling, he assumes the worst. If he goes a few days without seeing Johnny or Dally, he’s just sure that something terrible happened.

• after the church fire and Johnny and Dally dying, Pony goes through the worst bout of anxiety he’s ever had. He doesn’t want to go to school because he’s afraid if he leaves, something will happen to someone else and he won’t get to say goodbye. He couldn’t eat and was sick so often to the point that he lost weight and Darry and Soda were so concerned that they took him to the doctor and Pony was prescribed anxiety medication. It took a little while to even out, but once it did, things started getting better and everyone was relieved

• when Pony is feeling really anxious, all he really wants is to be comforted, but he never knows that’s what he wants. If he’s stressing over school, he won’t want to stop studying and doing work until someone coaxes him out of it and starts taking care of him. If he believes that something has happened to someone, he’s almost inconsolable until he’s absolutely sure that the person is okay, only then he’s able to relax

• Darry and Soda have done their best to find ways to comfort their baby brother. Darry is good at verbal comfort. He’s the best person when it comes to reassurance because he says things in a way that Pony actually believes him. Darry telling him that everything is alright and everyone is safe is very grounding to Pony. If that’s the type of comfort Pony needs, Darry’s got it. Soda is good at physical comfort. If his baby brother is hurting, Soda will hold him until it’s all better. It breaks his heart to see Pony so upset and anxious, so he’ll do whatever he can to help. He can feel when Pony is so tense with stress, especially in bed at night, so he’ll hug him and rub his stomach to try and settle him down, which almost always works. If Ponyboy is anxious to the point of feeling sick, Soda is who he wants. Most of the time, a combination of both of his brothers is good enough to calm him down a lot

That’s all I can think of for now! I have a fic idea about Pony being super stressed and anxious over school that I’m gonna try to work on this weekend too. Thank you for the ask!!

[leopardette]

Tagged by my darling @supersonic1994 to catch uppp <3

LAST SONG: heart full of love by the invincibles .... the harmonies truly scratch an itch in my brain it's marvelous

LAST BOOK: I've been on a terribly embarrassing reading slump tbh but I'm literally always rereading East of Eden so there is that. Also partway thru Varlam Shalamov's Kolyma Tales which is beautifully written and absolutely horrific

LAST MOVIE: The Ice Pirates (1984) which is awesome if you're into schlocky fun no plot coherence and Anjelica Houston in outfits. And also little burros in space like I cannot emphasize this enough they put little burros on that spaceship

LAST SHOW: Not much of a television girl tbh but The Terror .... I love you The Terror and I love the beautiful mutuals who spread their spore to me

LAST THING LOOKED UP: "palm reading right hand" because the line that goes across the middle of mine traverses my entire hand and is very deep. Still don't know what that means btw

SWEET/SAVORY/SPICY: I've got a horrific sweet tooth so I'm always leaning in that direction but there's a Chinese restaurant near my place that is a perfect blend of all three and that sounds so lovely rn.... I think that counts as savory though so savory

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: shingle ... me when I'm roof

LOOKING FORWARD TO: it's supposed to snow more tonight so I'm hoping the temperature drops enough that it actually sticks! Would really love to wake up to even just a liiiittle bit of snow on the ground

CURRENT OBSESSIONS: The Terror, because I'm fond of the scruffiness and festering of Victorian types. Adirectional spirals and the idea of moving inwards as a form of moving outwards/inwards being a form of expansion as opposed to a compression. Any sort of good dog/bad dog/kicked dog dynamic (see: The Terror tbh!). Echoic monolithism. Natural fibers ... no polyester type bullshit. Chalk pastels. Tubi's recommended section because seeing like Buffalo '66 next to My Little Pony makes me laugh. Dragging a Dead Deer Up a Hill by Grouper has been on repeat for the last week-ish... also really been loving dark shades of muted blue lately. Okay that's all <3

Idk who's already been tagged so ignore this if u have but I'm tagging @hauntedwoman @brigittefitzgerald @failgirls @agoraphobe @evebabitzgf @spiderden @bornintheusa1984 and anyone else who wants to <3 mwah

[couldbegayer]

what a weird year for me. new year ramblings under the cut.

i started 2024 off depressed and anxious. i'm ending the year depressed and anxious but now i've seen dan and phil and taylor swift.

but in all seriousness. this year was probably the most meaningful of my life so far, the year that i will look back on as the start of my "real life". i'm proud of what i've done.

in january i was just putting one foot in front of the other. i was severely overworked. i was on call at a busy hospital so my sleep was shocking. the shift work killed me and i would come home and just sit on my phone in my bedroom, lights off and air con on freezing. i didn't have the energy to have any hobbies anymore. just dissociate and sleep until its the next day and time to do it all again. after spending my early twenties getting my mental and physical health back on track, it kind of went to shit again.

it wasn't all bad. at this job i met some of my best friends, lifelong friends. but i wasn't thriving. i felt completely suffocated in my work identity, playing a role that others needed me to be, and feeling like i didn't have anything to offer outside of my job. where i was physically living, in regional central queensland (for anyone outside of aus, its one of the most conservative places in the country), was suffocating me too. it wasn't a very good place for a closeted trans person to live.

i turned 30 and instead of experiencing the stereotypical wave of lost youth like i expected, i felt inspired to get the fuck out. this life isn't serving me, i'm not happy, so let's get on with it and do something about it. and so i did the scariest thing that i've ever done. i quit my job and moved to the city to start my transition.

don't get me wrong, it wasn't as easy as that. moving didn't solve all my problems. saying goodbye to some of the only proper friends i've ever made in my entire was the hardest thing i've ever done and i haven't really made any close friends here, aside from someone i used to work with who moved here a year ago too. my transition didn't magically start. getting out of the shithole didn't sort out all of my anxiety about my family or society in general. but i faced my fear and saw a therapist and a doctor who prescribed me T-gel. i haven't taken it yet. it is sitting in my cupboard waiting for me when i'm ready.

life isn't perfect, but its better. marginally better is still better.

i wanted to share some of my favourite moments from 2024.

i went to sydney for the first time to see taylor swift! also my first concert ever. i've been a fan of hers for so long (my youtube channel is filled with edits of her songs lmao) and it was such an amazing experience. got to see sabrina carpenter live before her espresso moment so that was pretty cool too! from these videos it might seem like im uninterested BUT these are the only ones i have without my horrible singing in the background! i promise i was excited!! (this day was also pretty crazy because i woke up at 4:30am for the we're all doomed premiere so needless to say i was fucking wrecked at the end of it, but worth it!).

2. while in sydney i went on a walking tour of oxford street. i don't have any photos of this but i was completely shook seeing the whole street decked out for mardi gras. it was a surreal moment from me, after coming from a town with literal cow statues everywhere, to seeing a rainbow pedestrian crossing that wasn't defaced but celebrated. it was so surreal.

3. i turned the big 30 and had an emo themed party. i got a custom black cake but it was so shit and made me sick! i did get a refund but what the fuck

4. i went to a gay club for the first time, on chappell roan night no less! this was within a week of me moving to the city. pink pony club was my anthem at this time, for obvious reasons, so to scream this with a bunch of queers after leaving my old life behind was so cathartic.

bonus, i really liked good luck babe, okay?

5. i went to terrible influence and saw dan and phil with my own two eyes. i saw dan at we're all doomed last year but it was surreal to see the both of them together. i know i mentioned this several times, but i will keep harping on about it. i used my question card at the pre-show to properly come out to my friend as a trans guy, after three years of 'not a woman'. as luck would have it, they pulled my card and read my coming out moment out loud (and insulted my handwriting... never beating the "healthcare workers have shit handwriting" allegations). having them directly involved in my coming out moment, reading my words aloud, and them saying on breakfast tv that they love their trans fans.. i feel like it has changed me as a person. top moment of the year for me.

my self-acceptance moment aside, i had so much fun. i just wish i bought m&g tickets, they were available when i was checking out but my friend who i was going with didn't want to. i get kinda sad when seeing other's m&g photos. (mild spoilers ahead) but as the closest millennial to the stage, dan looked right at me when i cheered during his millennial outburst, so i'll take that!

so in summary, what a weird, heartbreaking, fantastic year for me. i have never been this optimistic about the new year before. i can't wait to see what 2025 brings.

[harry-styles-obsessed]

One night stand… gone wrong| 2

Tw’s: pregnancy, birth- ect ect- if any of these topics are sensitive to you please read at your own discretion <3

Also please excuse the terrible time skips- enjoy(:

Recap: You spent the rest of the day talking to him, coming up with plans- ideas, simply trying to figure it out with him and now you were laying in bed his arms wrapped around you, you didn’t think it was romantic… simply in a comforting way. But either way you didn’t mind. He was bringing comfort to you either way. The tv played quietly in the background your eyes fluttering shut tiredly his breathing soft and quiet in your ears almost acting as a lullaby to send you into a peaceful sleep after all the panic and stress you had felt. “You can go to sleep” he comforted gently “I’m not going anywhere… ‘m here to stay.” He murmured softly his own voice laced with tiredness and slight sleepiness his head lightly resting on your shoulder his eyes fluttered shut as you relaxed back into him “mm…” you hummed out happily just glad he was there to stay. As the more you relaxed the more you started thinking “think I wanna keep it” you murmured and he let out a tired hum “alright… keep on thinking until you know what you want to do okay” he murmured quietly and you nodded your head relaxing back into him as you closed your eyes sleepily “if you do choose to keep it… just know you’re gonna be a great mum.” He whispered into your ear and just like the first time you had met him butterflies gently cascaded around your stomach a little smile remaining on your lips as you slowly dozed off to sleep… maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all?

————————————————————————

Harry spent the next few days and weeks and even months with you, being right there to support you he didn’t dare leave your side- even if he had concerts to do or interviews he either opted to do them by FaceTime or if he had a concert he simply couldn’t postpone he either brought you along with him or just performed it after you convincing him you’d be fine. He had grown rather protective over you so much so you were now confused what your relationship status was with him- friends? Partners? Friends with benefits? You weren’t entirely sure but you didn’t really mind as he was clearly protective over you and just wanted you to be okay. Your stomach had been growing constantly the baby bump soon showing to the point you weren’t able to hide it anymore but you didn’t mind. Your parents were supportive and so were your friends. Harry was the sweetest and most supportive and you couldn’t help but fall more and more in love with him, he came to every scan and every single check up with you no matter what was happening he came with you and as he promised was there to support you throughout it all and some of it was scary terrifying even, and you knew if he wasn’t there and you were alone then you wouldn’t have a clue what to do… he made you feel safe. Very safe. And you were forever grateful.

“I’ll be fine Harry” your voice was tired as you weakly dropped your head to rest against the toilet seat, you had been puking up whatever contents your stomach held for a good 45 minutes now, the morning sickness was exhausting. “Yeah sure. Don’t give me that. Let me take care of you.” He said as he slowly walked into the bathroom a bottle of water held in one hand and a large plastic bowl held in his other hand before he placed them down his large hands immediately working to pull your hair back away from your face as he held your hair up in a pony tail, a hair tie on his wrist as he gently tied your hair into a loose messy bun before he crouched down beside you his hand slowly rubbing up and down your back in a soothing manner “feel like shit” you grumbled out and he nodded slowly not wanting to say anything wrong like ‘I know I know’ as he in fact did not know… for one he wasn’t a woman and he most definitely couldn’t get pregnant and experience morning sickness so he simply remained silent his hand continuing to gently rub up and down your back slowly and gently. “What do you want?” He asked softly and you furrowed your brows “what?” You asked confused “boy or girl” he said and you let out a soft laugh “sorry, just trying to make conversation” he murmured with a little smile even if he didn’t like to admit it he was scared, nervous even… he was a top tier celebrity who was constantly in the eye of fans and paparazzi…. He wanted to keep you and the baby out of their way… he didn’t care- he wasn’t letting those pigs get money off of photos of you or his child. Photos of him were fine but he had become protective over you extremely protective to the point he was willing to smash a camera if needs be. Paparazzi tested his limits constantly and usually he was pretty good at not being affected but if you were brought into it then he would freak. He wouldn’t let them take pictures of you. Nor would he let them hurt you. “I think I want a little boy… don’t mind though.” You spoke snapping Harry out of it and he smiled pressing a kiss to your forehead “I don’t mind either way… but if I’d have to choose I’d want a little girl… bet she’d look just like you.” He spoke sweetly and you smiled but that smile quickly was turned upside down as you dry heaved into the toilet “ugh I hate this.” You shined out as he continued to gently rub up and down your back slowly and gently “you’re doing so well. So well.”

-

A few weeks had passed by and now was your baby shower, you didn’t want a massive one only you and Harry and a few friends as well as your parents. You had your mum make cupcakes and one of the cupcakes had coloured fondant in it. “Okay dad you go first” you said excitedly as you smiled, Harry’s hand lightly resting on your knee as you was happy too. He was excited. He couldn’t wait to see what gender the baby was. Your dad quickly showed that there was no fondant in it a few groans echoing around as you laughed softly, your friends did the same but they didn’t have it either and by the end of it the two cupcakes left were yours and Harry’s “let’s do it together” he suggested and you nodded excitedly as you held onto his hand before you both at the exact same time bit into the cupcake “oh my god!!” Harry’s voice was excited and you were quick to follow his excitement as your mum had sneakily had two cupcakes filled with fondant for both you and Harry specifically “we’re having a little boy!!” You exclaimed your arms quickly wrapping around the man as he held onto you tightly a wide smile on his face as he held you in his embrace before he pressed a little kiss to the top of your head “a little boy…” he said with a warm smile the excitement you both shared with one another being totally indescribable. You were nervous before but now you were beyond excited you couldn’t wait to meet your little boy.

-

Weeks turned into months and before you knew it your due date was only a few days away, you and Harry had gotten closer. He was starting to go out more to achieve his concerts and such but he was always only a call away always making sure you were okay after every concert he did. You were sat on the couch, Harry sitting beside you arm loosely wrapped around your shoulders- it was early in the morning and he didn’t have to be at work until 3 ish so you had all day with him practically. You held the first scans and most recent scans of your baby boy in your hands a wide smile on your face Harry’s chin gently resting on your shoulder as he looked at the scans too “he’s going to be so handsome… gonna have the best mum ever.” He murmured to you as he pressed a light kiss to your cheek and you smiled softly, he had been very kiss-y with you yet you both hadn’t been able to establish proper feelings yet. “Going to have the best dad too.” You said slowly turning to look at him forgetting just how close you were with him your breath gently fanning over his lips as he gazed into your eyes his lips mere inches away from yours his eyes searching yours and yours searched his right back you didn’t think you would ever fall in love with someone like this… not ever… but maybe the baby was a blessing in disguise?

And on that last thought you gently leaned in pressing a kiss to his lips your hand caressing against his cheek and he was quick to caress his hand against the nape of your neck pulling you closer to him, deepening the kiss that slight bit more- he kissed you so deeply and so passionately as if he was kissing you for the first time all over again, the first time was beautiful- slightly sloppy and needy but right now it wasn’t that, right now it was perfect… gentle… slow… full of no need or want- simply full of love. You slowly pulled back looking into his eyes “too soon?” You asked worriedly but he instead of saying anything simply pulled you back in again his lips pressing against yours as he wrapped his arms around you kissing you deeply and passionately as you and him had a slight make out session and you both knew you both needed that… needed it because it was simply brewing, it had been brewing for a long time the tension being strong “not too soon, no…” he murmured assuringly as he smiled into your eyes “just on time” he said softly before he kissed you again, you both kissing until you were both left breathless over and over again.

That evening was nice, Harry left for work and you were just resting on the couch watching Harry Potter and the goblet of fire. You weren’t really paying attention to it your attention mainly on your phone as you scrolled through social media eyes slightly tired and after a while you stood up off of the couch attempting to walk to the kitchen but before you could even make an attempt a wetness quickly began dripping down your legs, as if you had peed yourself but you hadn’t. You were confused and slightly horrified to say the least a slight pool of liquid forming just below you but that’s when it hit you… Shit it didn’t take long for you to put the puzzle pieces together and you were quick to ring Harry your hand resting on your belly, this wasn’t good- this couldn’t be good. Your waters had broke! Fuck. His phone went to voicemail over and over again before finally someone answered “hello,” it was a males voice but it wasn’t Harry “h-h-hi… get Harry please…” you practically begged “I’m sorry who is this?” The voice questioned “I’m Harry’s friend! Y/n! Please!” You spoke desperately hearing a sudden sharp intake of breath before the sound of screaming fans were heard- Harry was performing… of course your waters broke whilst he was performing. Typical! Your breathing was heavy as you squeezed your eyes shut holding your tummy, you felt weak and dizzy and terrified you didn’t know what the hell to do.

The stage manager continued to try and get Harry’s attention but he was dancing and talking to the fans, the stage manager however was quick to radio over to the people who controlled the music the music fairly quickly shutting off as Harry looked around confused his eyes soon landing on the stage manager who was quite honestly freaking out, Harry’s phone in hand as Harry put two and two together “one second everyone I’ll be back” he spoke into the microphone trying to not alert anyone to something being wrong before he ran off stage quickly taking the phone from him as he put it up to his ear “y/n?” He asked taking his ear piece out of his ear as he stuck his finger into his ear blocking out the screaming fans so he could hear you better “h-harry my waters broke… I-I need help” and at your words and quivering voice his heart dropped, the rest of his band quickly leaving the stage too to see what was the matter “I’m going to be home soon, Mitch I need you to get onto the phone with 999- call an ambulance right away.” Harry shot demands at his friends, telling them exactly what to do as he immediately went into protective mode.

-

You tried to remain calm as you gripped onto your tummy breathing heavy “I’m nearly home.” Harry said, he had stayed on the line with you the entire time and after a few more minutes the sound of car keys jingling were heard before the front door was pushed open “c’mere we’re going to the hospital what do you need?” He asked calmly and you let out a shaky breath “I-I don’t know…” you whimpered out and Harry knew you needed him to help and so he did, easily and quickly packing a hospital bag for you before he helped you out of the house and into his car “I-I- the baby’s gonna come… I- I cant…” you whimpered out and Harry hushed you gently strapping the seatbelt over you knowing it would be uncomfortable but he wanted you to be safe “look at me…” his hands gently cupped your face making you look at him “you can. You can do this.” He then pressed a kiss to your forehead before making his way round to the drivers seat getting in as he was immediately quick to start driving, he made sure to drive as safely as possible but he was in a mad rush to get you to the hospital so did risk running a few red lights. But he had to. He hadn’t experienced this before so was worried for your health and the baby’s health.

Everything flew by in a blur for you, first you were in a car now you were laying down on a hospital bed Harry to your left and doctors and nurses to your right, the doctors voices were muffled due to your pounding head and Harry lightly grabbed onto your hand “here… I’m here… right here.” He said softly giving your hand a squeeze, Harry’s eyes were on the doctors and nurses but every so often he would look down at you and press kisses to the back of your hand “give her some gas and air… she’ll be ready to push fairly soon.” The main doctor spoke as nurses immediately helped you- placing the oxygen tube into your mouth so you could breathe- apparently it was laughing gas but you sure as hell didn’t feel like laughing. If anything it made you feel sick.

A soft cry soon left your lips your eyes screwing shut the agony tearing throughout you being absolutely horrible, Harry hated seeing you like this… but this was raw natural birth for you. He squeezed your hand tightly “you’re doing so well honey… you’re okay.” He soothed as best as he could gently pushing a few hairs from off of your forehead as little grunts of pain continued leaving your lips, each contraction hitting you harder than the one prior. “Keep breathing in and out-“ “I am breathing!” You exclaimed and Harry bit down on his lip, looking at a few of the nurses whom had seemingly had patients like you before and Harry although a tad bit amused was quick to go back to comforting you gripping onto your hand tightly your grip on his hand making your fingertips turn white as you panted heavily, you pushed hard a slight groan leaving your lips as you fell back into the comfort of the hospital bed tears of frustration and pain trailing down your cheeks “I-I can’t do this…. I can’t Harry.. I-I cant..” you whimpered out looking at him fearfully the nurses around you quickly assuring you that you could as Harry stroked your cheek wiping away your tears “yes you can darling. You can do this… you’re so close… he’s nearly out. I promise. Just a few more pushes c’mon. Deep breath and then push as hard as you can” he said copying what the nurses had said prior trying to help you as he felt helpless. He hated seeing you in such agony.

You nodded before taking a deep breath as you squeezed your eyes shut pushing hard. Incredibly hard. Before a sudden relief surrounded you sudden cries from a baby were heard… your baby… tears sprung to your eyes as Harry looked at you eyes full of warmth and love and even some tears as well “you did it… you did it. You did so well.” He said pressing a kiss to your forehead as you closed your eyes tiredly a weak smile forming on your lips…. The pain was worth it. Soon enough your baby boy was rushed into your arms his tiny face was beautiful he had Harry’s nose and had your eyes, he looked exactly like you and Harry. A spitting image practically. “He’s perfect” Harry whispered to you and you smiled looking into his eyes with a lot of happiness, the nurses were fairly quick to leave to give you and Harry alone time but one left a little teddy for the baby something they apparently did for all newborns- the teddy was small and had a little stuffed bow and arrow attached to its paws and you couldn’t help but smile as you looked into Harry’s eyes “Archie styles” you whispered out to Harry watching as his eyes practically lit up “even more perfect” he whispered kissing your shoulder and you smiled looking down at baby Archie your eyes full of nothing but love for the little boy.

-

Tiredness soon overcame you and Harry was more than willing to take the little boy from you “rest up my love,” he soothed and you obliged exhausted and Harry took Archie into his arms the small boy snuggling into his arms as Harry sat down looking down at him “you’re such a small thing yet caused your mummy so much pain, hm.” He smiled before letting out a soft chuckle his eyes filling with tears as he looked down at the newborn before he looked to you watching your peace as you slept and he smiled pulling Archie closer to him… this is all Harry ever truly wanted… a family of his own and finally he had it. Now he could spend time with his family… his girl… his little boy… the people who would soon become his favourite people ever. His family.

[blackroseraven]

So partner is on call this week, and of course got a phone call early this morning, so we were a little late leaving. Everyone else was apparently also late showing up though because horses were just starting to go outside.

So I grabbed halters to help, working around the kids getting ready for Pony Club. I uh. Went to get Athens at one point, and he just slowly leaned in, then bit me right in the soft part of the arm below the armpit. So I huffed at him and closed the door and brought some other horses outside instead.

Which ended up being fine because his owner actually showed up like a few minutes later so. Hooray?

Also uh. Chilton somehow reached all the way up to the roof storage next to his stall and pulled down an entire tote box and a bunch of garbage. He is. A problem.

I got Quattro, spent a while getting him ready. Last night we had a. Thunder-hail-storm, although there's literally no trace of it today apart from the storm damage, right? And I think Quattro caught his leg on something or maybe one of the other horses stepped on him by accident while they probably clustered up under cover to get out of the storm.

It had already healed, whatever it was, but the problem is that Quattro has black skin and a white coat overtop, so ANY amount of blood looks like a TERRIBLE WOUND on him. Literally barely a trace of a scratch but the little that it bled just had this big mark across his leg so it's always like "oh god what happened" but. It was absolutely nothing.

We rode for a bit outside and I was able to push him into canter. It felt really good. But then uh. All the pony club kids came outside. And like, once again, all the advanced kids were gone to a horse show, so this was more starter pony club and they were just kind of everywhere so we ended up going inside instead, where there was only Athens.

Quattro was not pleased with the scenery change but. We still got some work in. When we swapped to brain work, doing stuff with touching cones and whatnot, uh. Athens slowly started to circle in closer and closer and he uh. Really wanted to participate and get treats too. It was very entertaining. His owner is like. Quiet and a little odd but she's very nice and friendly, so it wasn't bad at all.

Partner ended up coming up with Lacy. We have. Not good news about the poor girl and Eli Shama, though. Their crazy owner has found a place and wants to take them home, so. Other Teacherlady basically said: "Yeah, this is probably goodbye." because she will not take good care of them. She will just. Try to fix their hooves herself and give them weird supplements and Lacy is 27, making her a very old horse.

Poor girl. It's so hard because you know she's not going to be taken care of properly but it's never going to rise to a level of abuse or malpractice that anyone's going to care or be able to do anything about. All you can do is tell people not to sell her horses anymore.

Makes me mad and sad.

So partner ran around with Lacy for a bit on the ground, and then she and Quattro just... hung out together. They're relatively friendly with each other, and Quattro is a weird horse who just doesn't really. Care about other horses, so.

Gotta just focus on the present, value the time we have. You never know when it will be over.

[glapplebloom]

It took them long enough...

The Main Six and Starlight are in the G1 Universe. Sadly, I’m not very knowledgeable in that but a good crossover should help me understand the other Generation I don’t have a clue in, right? They don’t seem to take it well but Pinkie Pie falls head first to get them to introduce each other. Back at the House, Pinkie Pie is bandaged up by... the one with the Candy Cutie Mark. Yeah, while some are named, others are not. 

The Candy Cutie Mark one, for example, is not named at all in the comic. Three names are Lickety-Split, Lofty, and Galaxy who seems to be the leader in this particular case. They tell the story of the First My Little Pony Movie that recapped it for those who haven’t seen it, 4 issues after it started. Also an appearance by Surprise, the Pony that inspired Pinkie Pie. Who shows up, yells surprise, and that’s it.

Luckily for our heroes, Megan left the Locket with the Rainbow of Light to the ponies. G1 Applejack brought in, and is never seen again. Galaxy also theorizes that the Rainbow of Light and their Elements of Harmony are related to each other so it should work great together. And if it doesn’t, they’ll think of something else. Yep, G1 is coming to Ponyville. And that’s it for seeing Ponyland or whatever it is called.

After stopping by the Non-G1 Witches, we see the S'monies meeting up to cause a little more mischief. But we also see potential in reformation. Black Belle, despite teaching terrible things, is a good teacher and her students love her. Said students being Ocellus and Recolored Cozy Glow. Violet Shiver is proud of her decorations and thinks Pinkie Pie is nice. And Shadow Storm... Is there.

They continue to try to spread misery as told, but all Trench sees and hears is that they’re helping set up a party and that the student loves them. So to him and to the witches, they’re failing at being bad. Meanwhile, Six of the G1 Ponies as well as our heroes arrive at Ponyville and it is getting worse. So they hide in Rarity’s shop to think of how to get the two magics to work.

After we see Opalescence destroy Trench, the Ponies have nothing until Opalescence brings in the remains of the retreating Trench. Hearing Sulfur inspired Twilight to get Crystals to send their magic to the Locket and have it combine the two. Also North Star is mentioned. And I just noticed Galaxy, who said she’ll come to help, is not among the G1 Ponies that are helping. Except then she is. 

Good news, Twilight’s Plan works. Bad news, it will vaporize its target meaning most likely kill the possessed instead of freeing them. Also bad news, the Witches figured out that their magic works in the G4 Universe so they’re coming. And overall, as a crossover this is pretty bad. Remember when I said “a good crossover should help me understand the other Generation I don’t have a clue in”. Guess what this doesn’t do.

There are six named G1 Ponies. Two of them showed up for a joke. One of them seemed to not come along but then there’s one panel that they do. And besides exposition, providing the Locket and saying sulfur, they’re not really adding anything to the crossover. Outside some traits, they seem to be pretty interchangeable. And the ones I do know just showed up for throwaway jokes.

It looked like they were going to set up the Candy Cutie Mark one to be silly like Pinkie, but then she doesn’t show up again or is named. Galaxy looked like she was going to be the leader of the G1 Ponies, but then didn't show up again. Lickety-Split, Lofty and North Star are among the group, but nothing really makes them stand out. There’s a Flutter Pony among the G1 Group out of nowhere and if the Wiki is to be believed, one of the Ponies is a G3 pony.

Next week will be the conclusion of this story as well as all the G4 IDW Comics. So I’ll save my final thoughts for that.

[prettypurpleponies]

Had a bummer of a couple of past rides but had such a good one today and I’m back to having fun and being madly in love with my pony! (It doesn’t take much apparently.)

I was gone for a full week for work and then had to wait an extra day to get a saddle shipped in to try it. So the first day back riding was 5/10. I tried to get there super early to ride before the storm but it was hiking the whole time I was riding in the indoor and the pony just did not want to move forward at all. Still a massive gold star for her for not being a shit show with the weather but she was not feeling like working hard so I didn’t force it.

The next day had a lesson which had gotten moved due to the rain and there being a clinic over the weekend and only having one indoor (vs multiple outdoor arenas.). And then the trainer was super later and actually pushed the lesson back half an hour which she only bothered to tell half the people and then she was late from there. Which was annoying because I had to leave work early for it and then had to leave the lesson a little early because I had group dinner plans I didn’t want to be late for.

So it was set up to be a stress lesson. And then she had a jumping a little grid straight at the gate. And all the horses were kind of nuts about it, including mine. Just full out rushing and running at it. And earlier I. The lesson the trainer was like you’re going to have to work really hard to fix all of your form issues. And then I got yelled at for throwing my hands up over the jumps. And I just generally left the lesson feeling like a disaster.

Was going to ride Monday but left my bridle at home like an idiot. So just lunges her in her halter. And then I couldn’t get her to go one direction and my friend had to help me. So feeling great.

Rode Monday 5/15 in the evening and it was fine. But I was complaining about how I was feeling bad about my riding, and my friends were like no no you’re too hard yourself. It’s just that you power post and grip with your knees and don’t relax and if you just stopped thrusting you’d be fine. And it’s like, I really do not need you to point out all my flaws right now. You could’ve just stopped at you’re too hard on yourself. (Their feedback is normally very helpful but it really felt like a pile on in the moment. Like we are standing and talking I don’t need you to reiterate all the flaws of my posting trot back to me. I know them. It almost made me start to cry.) but it was mostly a fine ride.

Tuesday morning I had the saddle fitter out, and she was so grumpy and was bulging out through right shoulder so so bad. And I know I do dumb things to try and fix it that make it worse but we could barely go to the left it was so bad and it was honestly embarrassing. The saddle fitter was nice about it and we worked through it and still got enough trot and canter both directions to evaluate the saddles fully. But it still made me feel like a terrible rider who can’t even steer a horse around the arena correctly.

[gunnygazette-blog]

WEEK #10 GAME-BY-GAME

The last lap of the regular season is here.  Three weeks...three games...and only two teams in the North and three in the South have clinched play-off spots…  On the otherside of the ledger, only four teams in the North and two in the South are eliminated.  What that means is there are twenty-eight teams fighting for only fifteen spots…  Those tickets are going to start to be gobbled up quickly.  

Game of the Week

(2) Waskily-Weasels (7-0) @ (9) Mee-ah-Mee Raid  (4-3)  :  28-23

- Previous meeting was a 34-28 home win by the Skunk Bears back in week #4,  The Weasels need this game to basically seal up the #1 seed...as there opponents just keep getting easier each week until closeout…  The Raid need this game more...as they are not only battling to stay in the play-offs...but a chance to take opening play-off weekend off requires an upset somewhere…  It wouldn’t hurt to prove to themselves they can closeout a high seed when they have them down…

G#2: (22) RainCoats (5-1) @ (34) My lil’ Ponies (2-5)  :  31-25

- Week five showdown of the only equine mascot teams in the league was a shootout that saw the Raincoats squeaking out the 34-25 win.   The Pooler need a win, not only for their play-off chances, but to actually win one on the field since opening week of last year would make them feel like a real team.  The Raincoats are still not liked by the computer...nor are they guaranteed a spot in the post season…  To be taken serious they have to take teams like pooler and close them out with authority...    

G#3: (23) Tampa spotted Kitties (2-5) @ (36) Feather Dusters (2-5)  :  23-11

- Both teams are sitting on the outside looking in...but both are pretty well matched...as the Dusters should be more competitive than their 0-20 showing in Wk#3...but the result should still be the same.

G#4: (15) Du-vowel Kitties (4-2) @ (5) Du-vowel Raid (7-0)  :  8-23

- This match-up was a really close for 54mins of the game back in week #1, that is until the Kitties mistakes just avalanched into a 6-23 Raid win…  You should expect another defensive battle with the turnovers once again the biggest aid in a win.  

G#5: (3) Angry Fairies (6-0) @ (12) Cow-Pups (4-3)  :  37-12

- Wait this is the match-up that “screwed” those Ugly uniforms a chance at the top speed.  For that alone I think the girlscouts come out focused and jump out to an early lead...

G#6: (14) Chicken-hawks (5-2) @ (30) F-Criminals (3-4)  :  28-2

- This may be deja vu from week one...as the recently plucked Raptors will be focused to repeat their 28-0 win…  Realizing that the bye is still out there to lose...

G#7: (21) Bad Weather (4-3) @ (16) Water-Lizzies (5-2)  :  6-36

- The reptile crew are probably chomping to get back on the field after two weeks of stewing over their second loss…  This will not be a cake walk...but a respectable showing like their 6-30 Wk#1 win over these same foul weather team…  For the Precipitation to fall on other teams in the post season...they could use a win this weekend in what will be the hardest game they have left on the schedule...

G#8: (13) Hooded Snakes (6-1) @ (28) Rubber Snakes (4-3)  :  44-13

- Another scaly Serpentine match-up… just not very competitive…  Just like week one’s 36-0 Hooded win…the bigger snake...with the more lethal venom should prevail.  

G#9: (1) Sorry-Ass Champs (7-0) @ (19) A-meri-cant’s (4-3)  :  36-6

- Week #4s 42-14 game wasn’t that competitive in the second half...and no matter what the Red, White and Bruised team does in the first half...it will get away from them after the break.

G#10: (29) Otha Bull-pups (1-5) @ (17) Southern Spotted Kitties (3-3-1)  3-39

- Another Cat and Dawg fight...but these are the “not-so good, actually quite terrible” puppies…and this is the better (which is not saying much) of the spotted cat teams…  So this game should not be too competitive.  

G#11: (11) D-League Champs (4-3) @ (26) Concrete Shoes (3-4)  :  39-0

- Not a former FFA team...so the soon to be former champs should not be pushed too hard...

G#12: (35) Terrible Tigs (0-7) @ (18) Jesters (2-5)  :  0-39

The “yeah, they’re that bad” Tigs will get the “not so bad” Jesters in a re-match of their week#4 0-22 game.  Neither team will make the play-offs...but they are not equal...

G#13: (24) King Kitties (2-5)   @ (7) Pee-Rats (6-1)  :  0-44

Against likely play-off teams, the Scars of the savannah have been pretty dismal… The Pee-rats are on course for a seed...so the Maned-ones are looking at another blow-out loss.  The eye-patch crew are just going to bludgeon...these kitties into submission...

G#14: (6) North Weasels (7-0)  @ (32) Otha Kitties (2-5)  :  51-0

Nothing to see here...two teams on the oposite end of the spectrum...

G#15: (27) Reaps (1-5-1) @ (4) A.R.M.Y. (6-1)  :  0-65

Let the soft schedule continue...the uniformed ones look to be on direct path of a bye and a home game.

G#16: (40) Iron Chickens (0-6) @ (20) Grizzled-ones (3-4)  :  0-66

Back in week one, fried chicken was on the menu as the grizzled-ones recorded the 52-0 win.  This game should not be too different...so nothing to see here...

FORFEIT CREW:

(25) Minners (1-5) @ (38) Ghosts (1-3)   :  20-10

- as good as a forfeit...

(31) Corpse Munchers (0-7) @ (8) Otha Sparties (4-3)  :  7-42

-  Something tells me this would have been a lil’ bit more of an interesting clash...but we’ll neva know...

(37) Hybrid Kitties (1-5) @ (33) Teddy-no-shows (0-6) :  0-37

- so who do you give the loss/win to?

(10) The Newest Comic-als (5-2) @ (39) N-Criminals (0-7)  :  41-0

- Super Heroes and criminals...that is about as interesting as it would have gotten...

[ephrom]

Are Lily Orchard's Stalkers In The Room With Us Right Now?

Lily Orchard has a surprising amount of stalkers. Not only that, but she's really good at determining who is and isn't a stalker on the spot. Here is her declaring two anonymous people on her tumblr stalkers in the last week--because they both called out her constant mention of vague "stalkers" as the reason everything bad happens to her in life.

Now, I'm not going to say that Lily Orchard has never been stalked. However, Lily has such a vague definition of "stalking" that the term is basically meaningless. Back in the day (notice how I am admitting this was years ago), she used to label ForNoGoodReason a stalker--make no mistake, he was a dumbass and a creep, but not a stalker--for the crime of making videos talking about her. However, making videos on somebody--even obsessively and constantly making videos on somebody--is not stalking. Under that definition, Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein were stalking Richard Nixon by covering Watergate for The Washington Post. This is a behavior Lily began engaging when I stopped watching her, and has only gotten worse since. Take this video Orchard posted three months (notice how I am very clearly saying when this video came out) at time of writing.

In this video, she lists six people as stalkers--none of whom she says by name, by the way. Yeah, despite this video serving the purpose of "drawing attention to her stalkers," she doesn't actually allow people to know who these people she wants to draw attention to are.

I'm still fairly new to the Lily Orchard drama sphere all things considered, so I'll break this down the best I can by telling you what she names these people and who they really are.

Karen is @britts-galaxy-brain

Carol is both Jess and Zena

Katie is @segasister

Ellie is Lizzy Orchard, her ex-fiancé

Skylar is Patchwork Hearts

Val is Cypher from @whyyoulyinglily

Mark Twain once said that no man has a good enough memory to be a liar, and Lily is such a liar she is unable to remember her own story from paragraph to paragraph. Within the same minute, Segasister I mean Katie I mean Segasister hates Lily both because she said Voice of Reason was wrong regarding My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and because she called out pedophiles in the brony community. Jess and Zena I mean Carol I mean Jess and Zena are grifters trying to content farm her one minute, and the next they're nothing more than aggressive Vaush fans.

Of course, if anybody knows even the basic facts about these situations, we can find that Lily is just lying at various points. For example, the content farming Jess and Zena I mean Carol I mean Jess and Zena were engaging in actually amounted to two videos before this came out.

Meanwhile, Brittiany I mean Karen I mean Brittiany is so transphobic that when they were friends Brittany was actually encouraging Lily to pursue a transgender identity despite fears that actually becoming a woman would be unrealistic. Oh, also, Brittiany began talking about her experiences with Lily between five and six years ago--I'll admit, I can't remember exactly when--not eight years ago, I know, I was there when it happened.

This isn't even getting into the number of claims she makes without the slightest amount of evidence--again, because the nature of the video demands she not use any or else risk shining a light on the people she made this video to shine a light on. For example, she claims out of nowhere that she has a hunch that Patchwork Heart I mean Skylar I mean Patchwork Heart was celebrating her being raped in 2018. If this claim were true, that would make Patchwork Heart I mean Skylar I mean Patchwork Heart a terrible human being--and Lily just throws out this guess without giving it any kind of support. (For reference, I have since talked to Patchwork Heart and she does not seem like the kind of person who would celebrate somebody being raped.)

However, what have these six stalkers done with all their years of harassment? Not much, according to Lily. You see, despite being obsessed with her to the point where they want to show up to her house, Lily has to admit that these people have done nothing to her other than stress her out. She even says she can't sue them for defamation because they haven't done enough damage to her. Remember, it wasn't one of her stalkers who found her address, it was a fan who did that to send her a Nintendo Switch.

Side note: This video is great because Lily spends basically the last seventy five percent complaining about her stupid and obsessive her fanbase is. We all know that if her critics acted like this, she would talk about this constantly. Meanwhile, the people who criticize her are supposed to be the biggest sources of stress in her life?

In fact, can we just talk about how Lily talks about her fanbase in this video more generally? This is a topic for another post, but Lily saying her fans "can't take no for an answer" just shows you what kind of community she fosters. Lets not forget that this is the same woman who said that she told her fans she was fine with NSFW art of her OC because she thought that would mean they'd make less of it.

This should go without saying, but if you have to play reverse psychology regarding sexual boundaries--that's not exactly a good thing. Again, why is it that Lily keeps talking about the damages her critics keep doing--which she admits are basically non-existent--when her fans are doing shit like this?

In another post, she says that her fans are morons who cannot do the most basic forms of critical thinking and expect her to figure things out for them.

It's funny that in that video, she says that online cults cannot form. Even ignoring the fact that this is just wrong, it seems like a good chunk of her fans want a cult leader.

Anyway, I have no idea how to end this post--so here's a funny tweet from Nezziemonster, somebody with a very funny Twitter that you should follow.

[mediocre-writerr]

betty [quinn fabray]

quinn fabray x fem reader

summary: the last part of my quinn fabray mini series! this takes place in the pov of quinn and her side of the story! enjoy : )

*not my gif*

“Quinny?” my mom poked her head through the door, “You got to get ready for school.” she says softly. 

I groaned as I shoved my head into a pillow. I didn’t want to go to school today or well ever for that matter. 

And you’re probably thinking: Quinn what teenager actually wants to go to school? 

i did...once. When I didn’t fuck up the best thing that ever happened to me. Meeting her at her locker, holding her hand down the hall, singing songs to her in glee club. All of it. But that’s all faded away like a moment in time. 

“Not today.” I mumble. 

“Quinn, honey, I let you miss so much school these past couple months. I need you to go just this once.” she whispers before closing the door. 

I let out another groan as I pulled the covers off my body. Stumbling my way into the bathroom. As I look in the mirror the pit that was in my stomach continued growing. 

I hated how I looked. I hated how I felt. I fucked up. It was all on me.

And it all started at junior prom.

“Love, dance with me!” Y/N yelled over the loud music that was playing, trying to pull me out of my seat at the table I was sitting at. 

I smiled widely at her enthusiasm before raising my eyebrows at her. She knows I hate the crowds. Sure, I was popular and wanted the attention.

But there’s a difference between walking down the hall like a bad ass than being trapped in a crowd of thousands, feeling like you’re suffocating and sweating.

“This is my favorite song.” she pouted when I gave her the look. 

I pulled the hand that she had in her hand closer to me. Giving it a sweet kiss, “Next dance, I promise.”

She pouts a little before running back off to the dance floor. I sat there drinking the spiked punch, letting the alcohol burn all the way down my throat and into my stomach. Leaving a warm sensation behind. 

I watched Y/N’s every move. She wasn’t very far away from where I was planted. Jumping up and down, doing crazy dance moves, with Sam. 

I love Sam with every bone in my body, but I was always jealous of the blonde boy. He was a nice guy, funny, good looking and super close to Y/N. 

“Looks like your girlfriend is having more fun with Sam, than she is with you.” Santana says, leaning against the chair I was sitting on.

“I don’t like the crowds. She knows that. She’s just trying to enjoy her prom.” I mumble, trying to ignore her snide remarks. 

Santana hums in response before taking a sip of her own punch, “Sure, let’s keep telling yourself that. And I’ll be the one saying ‘I told you so’ when she leaves you for him.” 

That was it. That’s what started my insecurities. 

Was I good enough for Y/N? Or will she find her own non-complicated love with Sam or Finn? Was Santana right?

After procrastinating for God knows how long, I finally made it to school. 

“Quinn!” Mercedes yelled getting my attention away from locker. 

I tried forcing on my best smile, “Hey what’s up?” 

“You’re coming to Y/N’s party tonight right? Everyone’s gonna be there! I don’t want you to miss it.” Mercedes said.

I shook my head looking down at my shoes, “No. I wasn’t planning on going. I don’t think she would want me there anyway.” I mumble.

Mercedes looked at me sympathetically, “Well I want you to come. Dig yourself out of the depressing hole you’re in and come hang out with people who care about you. Think about it, okay?” 

I nod before she goes running off to talk to Kurt. I open my locker and stare at the cardigan hanging off of one of the hooks. My eyes dart around my locker to see the pictures of the two of us hanging on the walls. 

I miss her.

The bell rings and I weave my way through the somewhat crowded walls and into my anatomy class for homeroom. I take my seat next to Jacob Ben Israel and sigh softly. 

“Alright class take your seats!” Mr. Barnson yells as he walks in the door, taking his bag off.

I look at the empty stool next to me. Y/N wasn’t in here today. She must’ve stayed home. I wish I could’ve, especially after what happened yesterday. 

“Jacob, you’re going to be Ms. Fabray’s new lab partner.” he says and I watch as Jacob’s eyes lighten up.

The afro-hair kid coming to sit next to me, “Can I smell your hair?” he asks, disturbingly. 

I shutter in disgust and raise my hand, “Yes Ms. Fabray?” 

“What happened to Y/N?” I ask.

“Ah, Ms. Y/L/N switched homerooms this morning.” he says nonchalantly while looking back at his list for attendance. 

Oh. 

The day went on and on, dragging like a bad movie that wouldn’t end. Until finally it did. 

I walked to school today. I’ve been walking to school the past couple months. It was a nice break to just clear my head and think about everything. Sometimes it hurt to do, but it was much needed. 

I didn’t want to go straight home today. I didn’t want to go home and just lock myself in my room, curling up into a ball of nothingness. So I walked around more. 

“Quinn? Do you need a ride?” I hear a voice ask.

I turn towards the voice to see Mike and Tina in his car, “No thanks. I think I’m just gonna walk.” 

“Okay. Well we’ll see you tonight, right? We all miss hanging out with you.” he suggests.

“I don’t know.” I say looking anywhere, but them.

“You should.” Tina says before the light turns green and they drive off with a wave. 

I continued walking until I found myself at the mall need Breadstix. I hate the mall. 

I used to love going there with Santana and Brittany back during sophomore year of high school. When I was dating Finn and head Cheerio, but now it just reminds me of everything that went wrong. 

When my insecurity was at its greatest peak. 

“Hello beautiful!” I say as I answer Y/N’s phone call, walking through the mall. 

“Hi love! I miss you so much.” she whispers and I smile softly.

I hear rustling coming from her side of the phone, another girl’s voice, “I miss you more.” I say softly, “Who are you with?”

“Oh I’m with my friend Lizzie. She’s also a intern here and we’re just having dinner! She’s really cool!” Y/N said excitedly.

The rest of the conversation was about her internship and the amazing stuff she was learning and the new people she was meeting. How much she was having.

I should have been happy for her, but all I could think about what was, how much her life is better without me? What a fun life she could have without me? 

I left the mall that I was once walking in and nothing seemed good enough to buy. I was getting closer to my house as I was walking on the broken cobblestone. Just thinking about her.

How much I just want her to come back home and into my arms. How much I want her to let me know that I’m the only one she wants and that I am good enough for her.

Someone’s car came by slowing down next to me as they rolled their window down, pulling me out of my thoughts. Santana was sitting in the driver’s seat with her sunglasses on. Her usual high pony was down which revealed her curly brunette hair. 

She looked like a figment of my worst intentions. Her lips stained with a dark red lipstick and the way she was eyeing me. It just sent shivers down my spine. 

“Quinn, get in, let’s drive.” 

And those four words was all it took. Well four words and a human full of loneliness. 

A car honks shaking me from that terrible terrible memory. Leaving me with a mind and head full of thoughts. 

Should I go to the party tonight? Will she want me there? Will I regret not going? 

There’s two ways me going would play out.

1.) I would get there and she would open the door and slam it on my face. Then she would open it again just to tell me to go fuck myself. 

I shutter at the thought of the most likely scenario. The sun was setting turning the sky into a cotton candy looking sky. What a beautiful sky for a stressful decision. 

Santana laid next to me on the grassy field of my backyard. It was a cotton candy color as the orange hue blended with the dreamy blue. 

I spent the week driving around with Santana. We would go exploring the small town in Lima or just drive around singing to random songs. 

We laid there in silence just staring up at the sky. She took my hand in hers intertwining them together. And in that moment I didn’t care. I wanted to feel something, anything. 

Anything besides this pit of loneliness. 

She turned her head towards mine. And in a beat her lips were on mine. It was soft at first yet passionate. Then the next thing I knew, clothes were flying off, and hands were roaming. 

2.) Y/N opens the door and sees me standing there. I apologize for everything, she leads me to our spot in the backyard. And kiss me in front of everyone. 

Yeah like that would ever fucking happen. 

I didn’t know what I was expecting when Y/N came back from Pennsylvania. After the many nights spent with Santana, I dropped her. Or well ghosted her I should say.

I didn’t answer her calls or her texts. I knew what I did was wrong and I decided to just end it before things could get any worse. 

Was it fucked up? 

Yes, but I did what I had to try and salvage what I had left in our relationship.

I thought I could get away with it too. Until the guilt started eating me alive. The pit in my stomach wasn’t loneliness, it was guilt. 

And then Santana told Brittany. Brittany told Artie. Artie told Tina. Tina told Mike. Mike told Puck. Puck told Mercedes. Mercedes told Kurt. Kurt told Blaine. Blaine told Rachel. Rachel told Finn. Finn told Sam. Then finally, Rachel told Y/N since no one else had the heart to. 

Y/N slammed my locker shut causing me to flinch back, “Tell me she’s lying.” she whispers, her voice breaking. 

“Who’s lying love? What happened?” I say attempting to take her in my arms, but she took a step back.

“Tell me that you didn’t hook up with Santana while I was gone. And that it’s some weird vendetta against you.” she whispers staring at me. 

I couldn’t lie to her anymore. It was killing me. I didn’t want to lie anymore. I just needed to tell her. 

I just stared at her desperately trying to find an explanation. Desperately trying to apologize and explain everything to her, but no words came out.

“Y/N-”

“You did didn’t you?” Y/N asked barely in a whisper.

I nodded sadly and a sob escaped her lips. 

“Y/N please let me-” I try to say and she shakes her head.

“No. We’re done Quinn!” she yells in between sobs running off. 

I looked up and found myself in front of Y/N’s house. 

I wasn’t trying to go here. I guess my feet just carried me here. The party was in full swing and through her window I could see her just sitting there, nursing a cup. 

Her favorite song was playing and she wasn’t dancing. She was just sitting there, trying to smile, but was struggling too. 

It hurt me, knowing that I’m the reason for her pain. 

I hesitantly knocked on the door and the door flung open. Y/N was standing there and she was shocked, but her eyes softened. But it didn’t matter anymore because she covered it up with a harder shell. 

She came out and stepped onto the porch, closing the door behind her.

“Happy birthday.” I whisper.

She mumbles, “Thanks.” 

“Can we talk please?” I ask.

She was thinking about it. I could tell. Her eyes were furrowed and she was biting her lip. She looked in deep thought before nodding and leading me to the backyard garden.

There was a bench swing hanging from the trees. And we took a seat on there together. 

This is the spot. Our spot. 

We had our first kiss here. I asked her to be my girlfriend here. Everything happened right here. 

“Y/N I’m sorry. And before you say anything I know. I know sorry means nothing and it has no excuse for what I did. But I am so deeply sorry. I don’t know much and I don’t have much to say because I wasn’t expecting to come tonight But I do know that I miss you and you were the best thing that has ever happened to me.” I whisper letting all of the tears spill. 

She lets out a shaky sigh, “I know. I forgive you.” 

I smile softly and I try to lean in to kiss her, but she immediately pulls back. Leaving me embarrassed and heartbroken.

“Just because I forgive you doesn’t mean that I want to get back together. I know you know that what you did was wrong. And I trust you when you say that it wasn’t anything special. But it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. I love you Quinn Fabray, but I just can’t do this right now.” she whispers back.

She begins to wipe away the tears from my cheeks. I took in a deep breath before embracing the feeling of her touch. Y/N closes her eyes and rests her forehead on top of mine. 

I cup her cheeks into my hands. My thumb trying to memorize all of the crevasse, cheek bones, every little feature. 

“I will always love you and maybe we’ll be together one day. Just not today.” she whispers pulling away and kissing my cheek softly, “Goodbye Quinn.” 

[selenavtl]

Travels of a Broken Heart ( Thranduil x reader): Chapter 2

The next morning was quite a busy one. After waking up, not without trouble, the company, Gandalf and I worked for a good hour on convincing (more like forcing) the dwarves to clean Bilbo’s house. If you think a dwarf is grumpy, try to deal with them at six in the morning, with empty stomachs. It’s a terrible experience. There was no sight of our burglar during the whole morning, at least not until he ran to us, signed contract in hand, and announced that he was, in the end joining us.  

-“I don’t know if his participation will help us, or do the opposite...” says Thorin doubtfully.  

Him and I were leading the way through the woods, he, on his faithful pony and I, on Fain, my white horse.  

-Give him a chance...if Gandalf has faith in him, we should too. And besides, if he’s as courageous as his ancestors, there is nothing to worry about. We heard of their achievements even in Rivendell... 

Thorin looks at me surprisingly, then lets out a defeated sigh. “I’m still not convinced.” 

Our first night outside was suspiciously peaceful and silent, Gloin’s snores and the few noises coming from far away orcs set aside. Although, things quickly became chaotic after we got kidnapped, and almost eaten alive by three Trolls during our second night of adventure. Thankfully, Gandalf, who had left us earlier in the day to do Eru knows what, arrived just in time to change these abominations into stone. We are now in a disgusting Troll hiding place, full of corpses of what seems to be Orcs and men. The dwarves immediately gathered around a pile of coins and were now digging a hole in the dirty ground to hide them in it.  

-“It’s not normal Y/n” says Gandalf worriedly. “Trolls like them shouldn’t be here. I fear something bad is happening, out of our sight.”  

-I’m afraid you’re right, I have been feeling it ever since we left the Shire. What do you think is going on?  

-I do not know” he sighs. “But let’s hope we do not find out at our expense.” 

I have indeed felt something oddly familiar, ever since we started our trip. The air feels heavier, not as pure as it was a few weeks before. It feels exactly like when the darkness began its expanse, decades ago. These scary and worrying thoughts fade away as my eyes catch a glimpse of shiny silver metal, covered in spider webs. Thorin seems to notice it too and grabs the weapon. My eyes widen in shock at the sight.  

-“Y/n? Are you alright?” asks Thorin.  

I nod, still a bit in shock. “May I?” 

He shrugs and hands me the sword. I take it carefully and pull it out of its worn-out sheath.  

-“This is Orcrist...it was forged by Elrond’s kin if I am not mistaken, the High-Elves of the West...and this...” I say is I point to the sword Thorin picked up. “This is Glamdring, it was lost after the fall of Gondolin. I haven’t seen them in ages.”  

Thorin immediately goes to put it back in place but Gandalf stops him.  

-“Keep them, Thorin. These are the best swords one could have.” 

Our leader accepts reluctantly and decides to leave, but before we can start moving, a very panicked wizard stops us. Radagast.  

-“Gandalf...Y/n, I have to speak with you both. “ 

I only had the chance to meet Radagast a few times in my life, and even if he is a bit strange, he always seemed to be a calm person. He would always show me ways to use different types of herbs and, occasionally, teach me some very funny pranks. Pranks, that I might have experienced on Thranduil and his wife, but don’t tell anyone.  

-“Something bad is happening my friends...nothing grows anymore, the animals die for no reason...” he looks at me then. “And Greenwood is extremely sick...invaded by spiders.” 

An intense pain, mixed with a strong feeling of concern invade my heart at the thought of Thranduil being in danger.  

-“ H...Has it reached the Woodland Realm yet...? 

-Not yet, no...” Radagast says. “But I fear it will happen sooner than expected.”  

Before I get to worry more, a huge roar coming from behind startles us. The three of us rush back to the others, just in time to see Thorin kill a Warg. 

-“Orcs! We have to leave, now! 

-The ponies are gone!” Ori exclaims.  

-“Run! I’ll draw them away!” Radagast says before disappearing with his rabbits.  

We all start to run then, far away enough for the Wargs to not smell us. One of them seem to notice us though, and starts running towards us.  

-“Follow me! Hurry!” Gandalf orders and we all follow him as he leads us to an entry I know way to well.  

We all slide in the hidden entry, just before an elven sound is heard. I look at Gandalf suspiciously, but he only winks. Leading us here was his plan all along.  

-“Elves.” Thorin groans. “Gandalf, what are you doing? 

-I am saving this quest, that is what I am doing, Thorin. There is a path, let’s go.”  

We all make our way through the familiar, and “narrow just enough for the dwarves not to pass”, path, as Bombur said. And we soon arrive in front of the place that used to be my home, Rivendell. 

Eru = the equivalent of God on Arda

Author's note: Hiw thank you for reading ♡ I'm sorry if Thranduil is only mentioned for now but I don't want to rush the plot, he will come around soon ♡

[beomglocks]

colors ; k.th

part of the badlands series!

colors: “you’re ripped at every edge but you’re a masterpiece.”

based off halsey’s badlands album.

warnings and other: museum curator!taehyun, old money!y/n, mentions of depression and grass smoking, little bit of angst i guess??

taehyun sighed as he took down the 11th painting this week. the museum hadn't been very busy in the past couple of weeks, maybe because the weather was getting colder. one part of him figured that many people just wanted to be bundled up at home watching holiday themed movies and drinking warm drinks rather than appreciating enchanting artworks.

he couldn't fool himself though, he knew the truth. today's generation didn't care about the fine arts anymore. a shame, seeing as everything around them seemed to be inspired by it.

kang taehyun worked at his local museum. he had been offered the position by the owner one night while roaming the place. this should've been a red flag looking back. the owner seemed desperate for someone to fill in the position since the previous employee had left without notice. nonetheless, taehyun took the job and didn't regret it one bit.

open 24/7, the red haired boy was always working on the clock. not that there was much to do seeing as most of the people his age or even a bit older didn't hang around museums purely for the joy of it. actually, his only job was to exhibit the newly arrived collections, clean and dust them off, and conduct regular tours and workshops for the public. due to this and the fact that not many people even came by he would take regular breaks.

once in a while you'd see the occasional old person or art expertee roaming around the small museum. if you were lucky, you'd see the local edgy teens posing next to a piece they didn't understand just to get an aesthetic picture. taehyun would also have the unfortunate job of shooing them away or scolding them for getting just a bit too close.

recently his boss, who was the museum manager and maybe the only other person besides taehyun that worked there, had informed him that due to funds and unfortunate unforeseen events, the museum would be closing down in about a month from now. this caused taehyun to fall deep into a depression since this was his only job and he loved it here. the museum was like his second home. he found comfort in the silent images displayed throughout the building. they always told him a story and when new pieces came in he would sit and stare attentively at the new anecdote being told to him.

taehyun smiled sadly at the piece he had just taken down. it was a painting of 2 people kissing however both of their faces were covered by white cloths. this was his favorite and he didn't even have a clue as to why. probably because of the uncertainty of what the other was feeling or because of the fact that the other couldn't see each other's faces through the cloth, that would've made the kiss more exciting in his opinion.

he stepped out of the museum and into the frosty air of the outside world. it was only autumn so why was it so cold? he thought to himself. he discreetly pulled out a prerolled blunt and his white lighter from his pocket. he lit it and stuck in between his slightly chapped lips.

maybe smoking dope wasn't the healthiest thing in the world, especially for a boy so young, barely 19, but it helped taehyun get his mind off the inevitably of losing his job and being homeless for the winter. he shuttered at the thought. he would have to room with one of his friends, he sighed shaking his head. no, he didn't want to be a burden, yeonjun had helped him enough as it is.

he looked at his surroundings taking in the cold autumn afternoon. the trees had long lost their leaves and were bare. the sky was a murky gray color as if it were threatening to rain any time soon. he noticed a girl bundled up in winter clothes near the entrance of the building glance at him. he smiled at her and she jumped at the eye contact, thinking that he wouldn't catch her. taehyun chuckled as he watched her rush into the museum. "back to work," he said out loud to himself.

once the blunt had been almost gone, he smoked what was left of it and headed back into the empty museum. he was feeling light-headed, the effects of the blunt finally taking action, but taehyun was used to it so it barely affected him as much.

he made his way to the girl who was now starting to take off her jacket and scarf. taehyun tapped on the girl's shoulder to get her attention. "hi," he smiled at the girl, showing off his dazzling smile. "if you'd like, i could give you a tour of the museum." well what's left of it anyways, he thought to himself.

"oh...no thank you," said the girl. she smiled warmly at the worker. "well not to be invasive of your decision but it's sort of in my job description," taehyun replied as he rubbed the back of his neck. the girl sighed in defeat, "i guess i have no choice then."

taehyun laughed as he took her coat and scarf to hang up in the public closet, "yep, trust me. they say im not that bad of a tour guide, im quite fun to be around if i do say so myself. i promise not to bore you too much." the girl nodded, not entirely convinced. "if i do end up bored i will hold you accountable..." she took a moment to take a peek at taehyun's name tag, "kang taehyun," she joked.

as they walked through the museum the girl couldn't help but notice that it was fairly empty. "why are there almost no paintings in here?" she laughed hesitantly. "i thought this was a museum?" taehyun stopped walking, turning to her with a sad expression on his face.

"the museum is expected to close in about a month or so," he stated simply. "oh...that's terrible. may i ask why?" the girl responded. "my boss says we've run out of funds or something like that," taehyun chuckled bitterly. "people don't really give a shit about good art these days anyways."

"that's a shame..."

they continued to look through the various paintings that were still up and occasionally the girl would ask to see the ones that were taken down and left on the floor. it seemed the two were lost in each other's company as night started to approach.

"thank you for the tour of this lovely museum taehyun. it was fun but it's a shame such a nice museum like this is closing down," the girl said softly. taehyun nodded solemnly, he just wanted to get this day over with and crash at his apartment. he didn't blame the girl before him but talking to her reminded him of his harsh reality. a notification coming from the girl's bag made both of them jump as they were both lost in their thoughts.

"ah, that must be my father. he's kind of annoying when it comes to my curfew," she chuckled, digging her phone from her bag. taehyun watched her with a bored expression until his eyes reached her bag. he hadn't noticed this earlier but she had been carrying a louis vuitton bag. his eyes bulged at the expensive item that was so close to him, they got even larger when she fished out the latest iphone from it.

taehyun wasn't poor per se, he had just enough to get by since he was living paycheck to paycheck. however, he had never been in such close proximity to any luxury items. he suddenly felt weird being this close to this girl.

"what do you mean by curfew?" taehyun asks hesitantly. the girl sighs, "my father is one of south korea's richest chaebol's, maybe one of the big three at his point." she rolled her eyes as if this information was nothing. "he's super strict with me because i guess i'm just his show pony daughter whom he can show off to say he's a good father."

taehyun gulped, had he just been casually hanging out with the daughter of one of the richest men in korea? he felt sick at this. she looked up at taehyun's uneasy expression, "oh my god im sorry i just dumped that all on you! i just needed to catch a break so i came here, i didn't mean to drag you into my life story."

taehyun fixes his face, laughing nervously, "no- no its fine really. we all need a break sometimes right? im glad you got to have that time here." the girl smiled up at him, completely misreading his nervous laughter, "im glad i got to spend it here with you taehyun."

"oh before i go!" taehyun watched her pull out a checkbook from her bag and his stomach dropped. he silently watched her scribble some stuff onto the slip and tear it out, handing it to him.

"there's not too much i can take out of my account without my father flipping out but i hope this helps even just a little. whether it be in your personal life or with the museum."

taehyun eyes the check and chokes when he sees 50,000 dollars written neatly on the black line. he swears he can feel sweat going down his face like in the cartoons. "i- i cant possibly take this from you." he moves to hand the check back but the girl refuses to take it back. "taehyun, you love this museum with your entire being. i see the way to look at the paintings and the passion with which you explained them to me. i'd hate to see that taken away."

"plus, if you're gone who's gonna give me the tour when i come back?" she laughs as if this is something casual. taehyun's hands shake as he pockets the check, "i seriously cannot thank you enough...you don't know how much you just helped the museum and m-"

the girls phone dings again and she grumbles, "ugh why can't he just leave me alone. sorry but i think i really gotta go for real before he tracks my location or something crazy like that."

taehyun nods wistfully at the mention of her having to leave. he was really starting to enjoy her company.

"oh by the way," the girl giggles as she pulls her coat on hurriedly.  "was that you smoking weed at the corner of the museum earlier?" the girl chuckled to herself again just remembering it. taehyun furrowed his eyebrows, "why would you say that kind of thing at out loud and at my job?!" he scolded in a playful hushed voice.

"i just thought it was funny and you also smelled of weed the entire tour, i didn't mind though so don't worry," the girl concluded. she was starting to walk away towards out the door now. "i'll walk you out," taehyun offers. "such a helpful employee. is this in the job description too?" the girl jokes, turning to him while a smile on her lips. "well, not exactly," taehyun says smoothly.

she shakes her head, "i'll see you soon taehyun." he watches her walk off into the darkness of the night when he suddenly remembers something.

"hey what's your name by the way?" he shouts after the girl. for some reason taehyun really was hopeful of seeing her again.

"y/n!" came the disembodied voice of the girl he had just met.

[idjitlili]

Your eyes can be so cruel.

Kili x reader

Summary:  Being apart of the company, and growing close to Kili. After stopping at an inn, some drunk men, decide to pick at Kili's appearance. Words from Bowie come into favour.

A/n: Requested by Thatfoolishhuman  I have seen this idea a lot for Kili, but I'lol make it my own :) Also I'm British, so don't be mad at my spelling. FIRST IMAGINE OF 2021

Word count:3375

Warnings: Listened to David Bowie while writing this, sorry Bowie you just too handsome. Swearing.

Songs in order: rebel rebel, as the world falls down.

There was perks from travelling with your parents; due to business. The most frequent place you'd go was Tortuga, it was a quite a large village. Every time that you'd go, you and your parents stayed in an inn, which had a pub connected to it.

You'd eat with your parents in there, before all the drunks arrived, it was also a Saturday that you'd go. Saturdays meant that a song writer, and singer in one , was always there. His name being Jareth, he was a very beautiful man, in honesty one of the best musicians, in history.

Jareth was a skinny man, had a huge blond mullet, beautiful eyes one pupil larger than the other, beautiful accent, beautiful everything. Who couldn't have a crush on Jareth, his songs were like none other. 

These trips started when you were 5, when your parents business finally picked up, all the way up until you came to age. Which is when you joined the company, due to Gandalf.

You didn't think you'd ever see Jareth again, but you do.  You had undoubtedly had a crush on the singer growing up, you had almost forgotten about him when you joined the company.

Personally you didn't know Gandalf very well, not like your parents did, but he recruited you for an adventure, how could you deny it. A chance to see elves, dwarves, dragons? No way you was going to pass up that chance, no way.

You were surprised when the company had picked up, after getting Bilbo, since you lived on the way. Scary yes, not knowing any of these people, a chance at getting friends, you could only hope.

Strange was to say the least, you had seen a couple of dwarves growing up , that was just in pubs mostly. The were always not so pleasant, but these dwarves, plump and strikingly handsome. That hobbit? Bilbo that didn't take long for you to become friends, being shy didn't help, but some how you managed.

Dwarves were were quite scary; to say the least they intimidated you. 

That was until a particularly rainy day, when the mud was like cake batter. Thorin had decided it was time to stop for the night, the rain hammering down, lightning even, every now and then. 

Everyone was getting off their pony's, as were you, you was about to step down, when a huge crack of thunder was sounded above you. Damn you Thor. You had jumped, slipping on the mud, but you never hit the floor, instead you into strong arms.

Looking up , drips of water from dark hair had dripped on you, as Kili looked down at you. Your feet upwards, like a trust fall, you had smiled in embarrassment back to Kili, who had pulled you up to your feet. "T-thank you." Now standing up on your own, pulling your tunic down, trying to avoid eye contact.

"You're welcome, wouldn't want you to ruin your clothes a day into our journey." Kili had smiled at you, as you looked back to him from your feet, smiling slightly back.

Dwarves weren't as bad as they were made out to be, you learned that very quickly. When it was time for baths, turns out they were protective over females, always when you bathed two dwarves stood guard, just in case.

On cold nights, you'd wake up with an extra blanket.

Even though Thorin didn't like you were on this quest, he was never horrible, maybe because you just stayed quiet. You did not want to anger that beast, Bilbo talked quite a lot and look at him..

On one night, you were told to hide, Bilbo had been kidnapped by trolls, you hadn't listened. You followed everyone else, staying the bushes, getting as close as you possibly could, before quietly climbing up a tree with your knife.

It wasn't long before they were all caught, you just staring down at them, specifically Kili, you had hoped at he look up, and see you drop the knife. You could not make nose that would have alerted the trolls immediately. Sat on a branch , trying to blend in as much as possible.

That was Kili had looked up wide eyed, as you dropping the knife , and quickly climbed further up the tree to get out of eye view. You had thought it had worked, oh you was wrong.

"That one has gotten out!" Kili had started running around the trolls , as if he was sonic. A few minutes that lasted before you had noticed a shadow. But it didn't matter because Bert had grabbed Kili tightly,like he was slime that wouldn't stay put. No way would not have bruises after that. Of course he got out of Berts grip as Gandalf had appeared, cracking the large Boulder, turning the trolls into stone.

Feeling terrible the next day still, when the company had stopped again for the night and everyone had went to sleep. You could not, Kili being on watch, you had gotten up quietly, making your way over to him, sitting on log next to him.

Thinking about what you would say, Kili had beaten you to it. "Can't sleep?" His voice sounded tired, but still as lively. "Yeah.. um I'm sorry." Very convincing, indeed.

" for what?" The fire glowing orange, causing Kili to be barely visible as he turned to his to look at you. "It's my fault, that you got hurt yesterday, I should've listened to Thorin."

"What on earth are you going on about? I wasn't hurt? I'm fine, no one is dead , you did great, you didn't throw the knife at my head, maybe then I'd be distrusting in you." You felt like sighing, thankfully, but that would be cringy.

"I haven't got good aim, so it could've happened."

"You need someone to teach you."  You had scoffed slightly at Kili, gaining his full attention.

"I do not think anyone would have the patience." The warm orange glow from the fire, lit up the outline of Kili's face, a small grin could be seen.

"Are you challenging me? I have to sit through multiple speeches from Thorin a day."

"That's because you and Fili mess with him, I saw you the other day tangle a bunch of branches into his hair ,while he was sleeping. Why are you always surprised that he gets mad?"

"That was funny though, did you not see that bird fly at him? It shat on his face." Kili's grin only widened, as did yours, you had seen, Thorins face was bright red with the whipped cream.

"I'm surprised Thorin doesn't just leave you somewhere." 

"My mum would kill him. Right that settles it, you will learn from the best , to throw knives."

"You will really get Fili to help me?" Kili had gasped at you , sarcastically. "Oh I see, you want that Lion, over me, I'm hurt y/n."

"No,no, thank you Kili."

Thus, a bond was formed every night the company stopped, Kili would take you from camp, taught you basic defensive techniques and knife throwing.

To say the least, it did not take you long to develop a crush. Fili and Bilbo had became suspicious and decided to sneak up on you two. Why you'd do , not sure, Bilbo supposed to be smart, for all they knew you could've been going at it.

Instead they found you both sparring, undoubtedly they were confused, as you knocked the sword from Kili's hand ,before tackling him. Straddling him, as you looked up to see Bilbo and Fili. Quickly letting go of Kili's wrists, Kili looking up confused too, as you stood up, pulling him up with you.

"Oh, hi, we were just sparring." Too embarrassed to speak, Kili did soon as he noticed his brother and hobbit.  "So, this is what you two have been doing for weeks? 'Sparring'?" Fili didn't believe it, if Thorin knew he would not have, an heir to the throne, left unsupervised with a woman? No way.

"Yes Fili, I've been teaching Y/n how to defend herself." Sweat dripping down both of your faces,  "Right okay, Thorin said it's time for you to have a bath in the quarry, before the dwarves filthy it. Come on y/n." Bilbo had pulled you away, turning your head back to Kili you had sent a smile back to him.

You were back on the road soon enough, Thorin had decided to let the company stop for a night at an inn, an inn with a pub on the side.

Tortuga, the inn you had grew up at.

What day was it? Saturday, you could only hope, you had a huge grin on your face. You had grabbed your stuff,  once everyone was off their pony's, heading in to the inn,

Getting to the desk, to check into the inn, which consequently next to the bar, you in front.  "Aye, it's y/n/n! It's been a while, luv. And you've brought friends, do you all need rooms?"  Sparrow, the owner of the inn had greeted you,with a grin. That man was also very handsome, but too old for you though.

"I know, mum and dad been here a lot though, I assume? Oh I'm, when they next come here, would you be able to give this. And yes please we need for 16." Handing Sparrow the letter from your pocket.

"Of course, okay right it's 2 coins each for the night." The dwarves soon pulled out there coins passing them forward, as did you.

As Sparrow got the keys after counting the coins, he had turned back to you. "Oh, and lucky for you, y/n/n Jareth is here tonight." Sparrow had grinned, as your face flushed.

"Oh,really?" Kili unknowingly to you had also developed a crush on you, the mention of Jareth, made him bubble with jealousy. The company wondered, why such a young woman would be on nickname terms with the pub owner, and who Jareth was. They hadn't seen you as that type of girl, they were right not you, you weren't an alcoholic.

You had all went to your rooms, you had bathed deeply ,  dressed and headed down to the pub for dinner. The company already there, sat at tables, with jugs of ale. There was a space next to Kili, who had waved you over to sit.

Squeezing next to Kili, Sparrow had catcalled you again. "Oi, y/n/n , usual?"  Nodded to his question, Loki the cook had brought out your favourite dinner, as Sparrow brought you an ale.

"You had it ready? Thank you." Sparrow had just winked leaving you to eat your dinner, the others were too busy drinking , but when they had noticed your food, they quickly ordered food.  

"So, you come here regularly?" Kili had questioned as you finished your food, "oh, I'm yes, I travelled with my parents growing up , we had to drop stuff off here in Tortuga often , so we would stay here for the night." You had spoken quickly , wanting to change the subject.

" Transporting goods then?" Kili was intrigued, watching you intensely as you sipped your ale. Really he wanted to know who Jareth was. "Yeah, pretty boring, got to see a lot of places though." After that, a lot of people began to pile in, and the dwarves got drunker.

You knew it was going to be soon, that Jareth would be here. Not long at all, customers getting drunk, it was lively indeed.

Though nothing ever happened between you and Jareth, he still held a place in your heart, as well as being your best friend.

That's when you heard it.

"Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo

Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo

Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo"  you head had shot up,in search of him, but you couldn't see him.

"You've got your mother in a whirl

She's not sure if you're a boy or a girl

Hey babe, your hair's alright

Hey babe, let's go out tonight

You like me, and I like it all

We like dancing and we look divine

You love bands when they're playing hard

You want more and you want it fast

They put you down, they say I'm wrong

You tacky thing, you put them on."  Then you saw him, on the stage , well sort of a stage. 

Catching sight of his mullet, down to his eyes, he had not noticed you, you wondered if Sparrow had told him you were here.  You hoped he would see you.

"Rebel rebel, you've torn your dress

Rebel rebel, your face is a mess

Rebel rebel, how could they know?

Hot tramp, I love you so!" Thats when Jareth finally caught your eyes, holding eye contact as he sang, Blush upon your face. You had gotten up and went to the bar, ordering something strong, before retiring to your seat.

As Jareth had already started another song, you smacked down your drink.

"There's such a sad love

Deep in your eyes a kind of pale jewel

Open and closed

Within your eyes

I'll place the sky

Within your eyes."  Jareth , catching your eye, gesturing you to come closer , with his hand.

"There's such a fooled heart

Beatin' so fast

In search of new dreams

A love that will last

Within your heart

I'll place the moon

Within your heart"

Standing up , Kili watched you as you walked towards the stranger man, as did the other dwarves. 

"As the pain sweeps through

Makes no sense for you

Every thrill is gone

Wasn't too much fun at all

But I'll be there for you-ou-ou

As the world falls down."

  Jareth had held knelt down, holding his gloved hand for you to take, which you did. Pulling you up onto the stage.  Still holding onto your hand, still singing, as he continued singing, you placed your hand on his shoulder as he placed his other hand on your waist.Kili's heart ached.

"Falling

As the world falls down

Falling

Falling in love."  As you two danced , in sync, you truly loved Jareth, Kili stood up , went to the bar to get another drink.

"I'll paint you mornings of gold

I'll spin you Valentine evenings though we're strangers 'til now

We're choosing the path

Between the stars

I'll leave my love

Between the stars."  Jareth had taught you how to dance, and every time you visited , he'd give you another song he had written for your book.  A book which held all his songs.

"As the pain sweeps through

Makes no sense for you

Every thrill is gone

Wasn't too much fun at all

But I'll be there for you-ou-ou

As the world falls down

Falling

As the world falls down

Falling

Falling

As the world falls down

Falling

Falling

Falling

Falling in love

As the world falls down

Falling

Falling

Falling

Falling in love

As the world falls down

Makes no sense at all

Makes no sense to fall

Falling

As the world falls down

Falling

Falling

Falling in love

As the world falls down

Falling

Falling

Falling in love

Falling in love

Falling in love

Falling in love

Falling in love."  As soon as the song was over, you both had gotten of stage and you had jumped into Jareths arms. 

"Missed you."

"Ditto,"

Jareth had looked over to your table, "so you are travelling with dwarves now?" You had smiled , looking back your table, Kili wasn't there.  "Yes, Jareth, I'm going on an adventure, we have already seen trolls."

Grinning down at you, realisation hit Jareth, and went rushed to his bag quickly before returning back to you with a sheet of paper.

'Magic dance.'

"Just in case you meet a Goblin king. So who is your beloved?" Taking the piece of paper,  looking at into Jareths blue eyes in confusion. "W-what?"

"The dwarf that stormed out, he does not like me."  Jareth had chuckled, as you folded the piece of paper up placing it away.  "We aren't together."

"Maybe you should go check on him, y/n/n, come see me later, I'm staying here tonight." You had briefly hugged Jareth before leaving the pub. 

That's when you heard it, "stupid fucking hairless, fuck."   Local drunks harassing Kili. "Oi, what are you doing?"  The men had turned briefly to look at you, before scoffing. "Fuck of tramp."

You had marched up to the greasy man, pulling by the shoulder, to face you , and kneeing him in the crotch, making the man double over. Kili had punched one of them.  The men soon ran, when you had tackled one of them, beating them into mash, when Kili had pulled you off,the ground, trying to get out of his grip. All the men ran.

"It's me, y/n, stop, if you continued you would have been arrested." Placing , you back onto the floor, Kili had soon walked off, heading to his room, you following. But he had closed the door before you could get in.

This, you climbed up the roof hanging over the roof, to look into Kili's room. Looking like Spiderman. Kili sat on his bed staring at the wall, not moving, jumping when you knocked the window.

He had rushed to the window when he had seen you , hanging of the roof, you definitely couldn't hold on longer. Though Kili wasn't tear stained , it was clear that he was upset.  He had opened the window, helping you in.

"What are you doing? On the roof, what if you fell." He as definitely annoyed, "I would not have, plus I wouldn't have to if you let me in before." You definitely would have fell.

He hadn't answered this time, just sat on the bed, away from you, you sat next to him on the bed. 

"Kili, talk to me, tell me what has made you not yourself. Please, Kili." You didn't dare touch him, but you did placing your hand on his foreman. "Why don't you go to your beloved? You won't be seeming him for a while , instead of bothering me." You had scoffed pulling your hand off of him, you already knew he ran off because of Jareth.

"You are very stupid dwarf, in all honesty, Jareth is my bestfriend, only friend I had growing up, and don't you think he is a bit old for me?" 

"I don't believe it, you like a man that has long soft hair, nothing like me, I can't even grow a beard."

"frankly beards are really gross, tell me that the dwarves don't smell? You know why? Because they drop food all their beards and don't know it."  You had laughed, imagine Bombur going through his beard and finding cheese.

"They do smell,"

"Exactly, and what's wrong with your hair, Kili?" You had turned on the bed, bringing your hand up  to his hair,touching it gently, moving it out for his face. "I think you've got lovely hair, those guys were just idiots, Jareth had to beat them with a soup spoon once, you are not stupid nor hairless. How could they call you hairless? They are bald?"

Cupping Kili's face, to bringing him to face you, looking into his chestnut eyes.  "Y/n, I must confess, that this would not have happened if I did not like you."   And with that you had pressed your lips to his.

"Your eyes can be so cruel

Just as I can be so cruel

Oh I do believe in you

Yes I do" Jareth singing faintly could be heard.

[notmrskennedy]

The List

(Spencer Reid x GenderNeutral?Reader)

A/N - In order to curb the crushing weight of being bested by a vacuum cleaner at work and stressing about my calc test, I’m posting this. I hope you all like it as much as the last one. Y’all are just the fuckin sweetest. 

Also, this was inspired by @definitelynotkatesblog and her awesome work Something to Cry About. It’s the cutest freakin thing. 

Summary - A little list on what makes Reader fall asleep at night...

Word Count - 2.2k

Warnings - swearing, but what’s new?

----

1. A Podcast Episode on Epicurus and the Hellenistic Age

“Spencer, christ,” you laugh, fluffing your curls. “I can assure you that I am not touchy and sharing a bed won’t kill us.”

Spencer fidgets in his spot in the doorway, crossing his arms to keep from shaking too much. Is it wrong to be jealous of your casualness surrounding this? Is it wrong to wish away that massive crush he’s got? Just at least for one night—pretty please with a cherry on top.

You wait with a half raised eyebrow at the side of the bed he clearly doesn’t sleep on. Your hand poised above the comforter like it’ll make his decision any quicker. Like you can’t see the turmoil that has to be written across his face.

Because what does this mean? What does it mean to sleep in the same bed with your best friend for the first time? What if you end up snuggled up in the morning? Is that bad? Is that good? Is he totally secretly wishing that’ll happen and spur you in falling in love with him just as much as he’s fallen for you?

He glances one more time between your calm eyes, the made bed, the clock, the giant college t-shirt you’re wearing, finally back to your face. He nods. Adds in a dash of blushing. A teaspoon of agreeing words.

You shake your head, smile at him like he’s an idiot—though he supposes he is with you—and wrench the covers back. Like you belong. He wants you to belong.

There’s still time to back out and sleep on the couch. Does he really want to?

He wills his feet forward. Tries to tell himself that this is just like every night. Sets his watch on the nightstand, plugs his phone in, slips into the covers.

“Hey, bud?”

He hums as he turns his head to look over at you. He’s still sat up in bed, hand poised over his stack of books. Are you going to tell him to turn out the light?

You smile, shifting your weight ever so slightly. You’re the restless sort and he wonders how you work the boring middle management job that you do. Pulling your lips back into a nervous smile, you gently say, “I can’t fall asleep to the quiet, do you mind if—“

“Do you want me to read to you?”

He hopes the excitement goes unnoticed. It seems to as you chuckle. “I wish it would work. You’re too interesting, Spencer Reid. Podcasts on Hellenistic philosophy however—do you mind if I listen? It won’t be too loud.”

He shakes his head. “Not at all.” Never for you.

“Thanks, Spence,” you chirp through a stifled yawn. And as you turn the podcast on and flip over to press tightly onto the pillow, you say, “and don’t worry. I promise I keep to my side of the bed.”

And unlike the liar he wishes you are, he wakes up to find that you are very true to your word.

2. Discovery Chanel, Documentary on Revolving Door Manufacturing

He’s never seen you cry before. You make it a point to keep saying between sobs, “I hate crying in front of other people. I’m so sorry.”

He can’t fathom why it’s you that’s sorry, not after you asked him to pick you up from your mother’s. The same mother who’s apparently found it within her purview to explain just how much she hates you over a nice dinner. He’s buzzing with anger on your behalf—anger that clearly isn’t shared, though he knows it’ll come later.

It takes roughly 20 minutes to get you over the hill, trading tears for tissues. Snot for begrudging smiles at his bad jokes. He’s promised himself that he will listen—for once in his goddamn life—to your whole story without interrupting. You seem to appreciate the sentiment, punctuating the whole experience with asking for one of those hugs that just never ends.

You try to explain it—“like cats, Spencer, you know?”—like he doesn’t already empathise completely.

And weirdly enough, it gets to a point where you two switch positions without breaking the crushing amount of contact you have. It gets to a point where you insist on watching the most boring documentary he’s ever seen on revolving door manufacturing. It gets to a point where you pass out after 15 minutes and turn over into his chest.

He doesn’t dare move. Not until he’s effectively sure you won’t be waking up anytime soon. Spencer falls asleep with your soft breath fanning across his chest and his hands tangled in your hair.

5. A Librivox Recording of ‘The Five Orange Pips’

Now this is ridiculous. And he says as much as you roll your eyes. You’re both sweaty and exhausted and he’s sure he’s never met someone who looked this awake after a romp at one AM. Your eyes are twinkling the same way someone does after they’ve run a mile and feel like they need to run another. You’ve got energy and he can’t fathom it.

“Spencer,” you whine, falling back into the bedsheets. It’s really the first official time you’ve spent at his house as more than a friend—much more. He’s gotten accustomed, understanding even, to the little podcasts you listen to to fall asleep. There’s no sense in understanding your sleeping habits, not yet at least, but he understands the boring, droning voices you let lull you to sleep.

But this! Sherlock Holmes?

“Y/n, I literally have the story on my bookshelf. I could read it to you if you’re so choosy!” he mirrors your position with a huff, already reaching out to drag you over into his side. The feel of your skin is addictive. The safest kind of high he can get. The only one he really wants.

You pout, sticking out your lip. It’s adorable and breaks the tweak of frustration resting hard in his features. “Love-bug, with you talking to me, I’d never fall asleep. It just doesn’t work like that and I don’t make the rules.”

“Fine,” he mutters, effectively pulling you close enough you can share the one pillow. You giggle, kiss his nose, and reach behind you for your phone. It takes five seconds for the Librivox recording to start and he realises that as he listens to the intro, he’s already dropping off. It’s understandable—he guesses—but he hopes that one day you’ll pick a story he hasn’t read already.

9. News in Slow Spanish

Listening to you get ready for bed will never be tiring, Spencer thinks. Not when he’s playing a game with himself. He’s so terrible at guessing what you’ll choose to listen to. There’s never any rhyme or reason. Never a solid thought process that he can decipher. He’s kept to making a list—half because he likes lists, half because he wonders how long it’ll get.

Four months in and he’s at number 9—more or less.

This one shocks him though. Has him poking his head out of the bathroom, toothbrush still stuck in his mouth. You’re pulling your hair out of a pony tail, humming along to the intro music for a newscast in Spanish. Do you speak Spanish?

“Sugar plum—“ he loves every weird nickname you’ve given him over the months— “I can hear the whine of your brain from here.”

It’s then you turn to really look at him. Smirking. Gleaming in the shadows of the bathroom light. Wearing nothing more than a sports bra and shorts. His mouth runs dry as he tries to keep his thoughts present and clean.

He takes the toothbrush from his mouth. You giggle as he speaks through the spit. “Do you speak Spanish?”

“I must not talk about work enough,” you mutter to yourself, slipping into bed. Like you belong. “My entire job is setting up relationships between the hotel company I work for and Latin American, well, anything. Hotels, river cruises, restaurants—I speak Spanish more than I do English some weeks.”

He nods, finishes brushing his teeth to process the thought. No, you don’t talk about work enough, and he’s suddenly worried about what you don’t talk about. It suddenly feels suffocating. Like he doesn’t know a single thing about you. Like he’s never known anything about you.

But as you drag yourself into his side once he’s beside you, as you kiss his cheek and settle in, he’s reminded that he doesn’t need to know everything to care. For you to care back. There’s enough time in the world to figure out all the other stuff. He’s content to learn as it comes. Appreciate every new thing he can get his hands on.

And, hey, if you listen to this podcast enough, he might learn Spanish too.

11. Whose Line is it Anyway? Reruns

“No, absolutely not. I’m putting the kibosh on this. The applause will drive me wild. Please, y/n, anything else.”

15. Spencer

If there hadn’t been a nightmare involved, it wouldn’t have been as terrifying to find you not in bed. To hear the door latch click with someone’s arrival. Or someone’s departure.

He’s out of bed before he can process. Before his brain can calm down enough to remind him that it’s fine. That there’s no way a burglar is going to be as loud as you’re being in the next room over.

He jumps out of the bedroom, ready to strangle the intruder with his bare hands, when you give a startled shout, “Jesus christ!” 

Spencer settles. Realises that it’s just you in a sweatshirt and slippers. You look utterly exhausted in the dim light of the apartment. Fidgeting and restless despite the slump to your shoulders. He vaguely wonders if he should make you a pot of coffee to calm you down.

The world catches up to him and he slumps into the wall. Is it so wrong to be this decidedly tired after a nightmare that he could’ve sworn wasn’t coming back? The two of you stare each other down, both equally apprehensive to the other for decidedly similar reasons.

Spencer’s entire body is beginning to light on fire. He doesn’t want to burn you in the process.

You’re buzzing and tired and angry and there’s no reason to take any of that out on him.

“Can’t sleep?” he finally prompts.

You scrub your hands over your face, fluff your curls, in response. “I walked the stairs four times, bug. I’m so—“

“Frustrated?”

“Yes.”

He nods his head, waves you over. You half heartedly trudge over to him, lean your head into his chest and feel at least a tiny amount of frustration drift away. He pulls you both back to bed—he can’t believe he’s functioning this well, but maybe it’s just because he’s fulfilling the need to think about anything else. There’s a hesitance as you lay back down and he knows that you’ve probably tried everything. That you don’t believe you’ll get any sleep at 2:45 in the morning.

“You’ve worked through the list then?” he asks. Your eyebrows pinch as you settle onto your side, giving him your full attention. “The things that make you fall asleep,” he clarifies, “you know, that list.”

“Do you—do you keep a list?” your voice is almost judgemental, but decidedly too curious. He nods. “I’ve never had anyone care that much.”

“So where are you at?” he says instead. There’s too much to unpack. Too much for his still swimming brain. He needs something concrete. “What’ve you tried?”

You go through your list, letting every inch of agony you’ve faced for the last four hours creep over your face. Spencer watches as you turn over one more time and groan into the pillow. “I think I’d rather just suffocate at this rate.”

He chuckles. “Stop being dramatic. Come here, let me try something.”

“But—“

“Just—please, y/n?” he doesn’t understand your refusal to trust him sometimes—it’s always about such strange things, like how he does the dishes or what brand of milk to buy. You scoot over to him, settle into his chest with an indignant huff. As if you aren’t tightening around him like a vice.

He clears his throat, drags his fingers softly up and down your spine, and picks the most boring thing—for you at least—he can think of to recite: quantum physics. He feels you relax after a minute. Your eyes close and your nose sinks a little deeper into his shirt. It takes nearly two chapters to get you to zonk out. Long enough that he’s worried you were right, that he was just too interesting for you. Even if he was reciting quantum physics literature.

He keeps droning for a little time after he thinks you must be—have to be—asleep. And just as he settles, just as his eyes are closing and he could drift off peacefully, he doesn’t miss the ever quiet, ever gentle words, “You’re too interesting, Spence, too goddamn interesting.”

You roll over, your back pressed against his side. He wants to laugh. He doesn’t, just ends up dreaming of something nearly as peaceful as falling asleep beside you.

[ivyglow]

More than friends | Carter Hart

A/n: Sooo, I was supposed to be done with this piece before our win last night, but my laptop keeps stopping, and the new one only arrives this week, in the meantime I’m stuck with this one and taking longer than ever to write the requests. Anyway, thank you for the patience, and if you want to support my writing, you can always like, reblog and share my posts with a friend you think might like it.

Shout out to Tori for the amazing job proofreading this piece. You’re the best, @guentzgoal​

PS. The songs mentioned in this chapter are Hozier (work song) and Ed Sheeran (friends). 

Requested: Yes

Word count: 2k

Warnings: mention of Friday’s mess aka 5-0 against the Canadiens. 

Summary: You’re the media management to the Philadelphia Flyers, and during the bubble time, you get closer to Carter being the person he runs to after the terrible game that day. You two finally realize something more developed between the friendship.

When everything started to crumble down, he wished for you. He’d imagined that you were probably in your room cuddled up with a bunch of blankets listening to your Hozier-favorites playlist while sipping cold tea. Carter occasionally even wished for everything to be a nightmare, that he was just sleeping on your couch while you watched one of your favorite horror movies, any different situation would be better than the current disaster happening. 

He couldn’t help but blame himself for every little thing. 

He was the one that let the puck reach the net four times, he thought. 

Somehow his head made him sure of this thought when he was pulled off the ice to the bench. He was angry, afflict, and all he wanted was for the team to score at least once or twice, so the loss wouldn’t be as awful as it was feeling at the time. 

But as you would sometimes say to him, “das Leben ist kein Ponyhof,” and even more than to hear your strange sayings, Carter liked to internalize them, because usually, they were great instructions for life. And to think that “life is no pony farm” was useful in times like this, it reminded him that it doesn’t matter how much he wished or worked, sometimes, it wasn’t meant to be. However, it didn’t erase your feelings, and that’s why he was fuming when he closed the door and went to the locker room. 

He tried to look unbothered enough to the media on the aftergame conversation, but on the inside, Carter was drowning in stress and guilt. During the drive back to the hotel, he thought about texting you to let you know he was crashing in your room that night, but he got carried away reading what people were thinking about his performance in the game. 

Most of them hated it.

And so did he.

Carter was thinking about how poorly he played when he knocked at your door, and you probably thought the same, but Carter wanted, no, he needed to see you and hear you, and he was sure you wouldn’t let him down. Your presence always did wonders for him and his self-esteem. He would probably hear “das Leben ist kein Ponyhof,” for the hundredth time, talk about how shitty he was feeling and let you caress his hair, and only this itself would make his day a little better. 

When the door opened to show you wearing a bathrobe, Carter lost his air for a couple of seconds. The mop of curls wet sitting on the top of your head, the dark skin, long lashes, full lips...everything about you was perfect to him, and he cheesily thought that maybe in another lifetime you were his queen and he would bow and adore you like you were the most perfect thing to walk the earth. 

“When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold dark earth, no grave can hold my body down. I'll crawl home to her” Hozier was softly playing inside your room.  

Carter thought about what to say, but nothing seemed to be enough, nothing made justice to how he was feeling on the inside, but he knew by the look in your eyes that you understood everything, every little detail, every bruise, and every deep and shaky breath. 

You took the bag from his shoulders and dropped it on the side of the door, before grabbing his hand and bringing his body closer. You watched the whole game while working on some management reports, as part of the media management team. You wished you were there. Nevertheless, just like the hockey team, everyone had a specific task, and yours today was writing and studying some more essential ideas discussed previously. You were not expecting Carter to show up at your door so soon. You knew he would eventually come around, and Carter said himself that he preferred to be close to you whenever he felt bad because you knew exactly when to ramble about yourself to take his mind off whatever was bothering him and when to listen to him and give advice. 

As soon as his scent hit your nose, you closed your eyes and enjoyed the hug. He was warm, and his hair was still wet from the shower, the fabric of his suit brought some kind of comfort when it came in contact with your skin and all you wanted to do was hold him until all his anguish was over. 

“You’re okay, we’re okay,” you whispered, peppering kisses along the exposed skin of his neck and jaw, the available surfaces when you crushed against him. 

You felt Carter nod his head, before finally putting a small space between the two of you.

“I’m sorry I forgot to text you to ask if I could just show up and…”

“Hey, it’s fine, we’re friends, no need to stress over this. And yes, you can crash here tonight as long as nobody notices, you know,” you traced his nose and the crease in his eyebrows.

And as much as you noticed every little detail of him, you were not able to see the way his face twitched when you said “friends” because as much as he loved your friendship, he got himself wishing for more in times like these. 

“Thank you,” he whispered, dropping a kiss to your forehead.

You disappeared to take off the moisturizer from your hair, and Carter took the time to make himself comfortable by taking his jacket off along with his shoes, letting the blankets on the couch engulf his body. 

“Das Leben ist kein Ponyhof,” you whispered when you came back. Now dressed in your pajamas and with your hair slightly damp, you lay beside your favorite goaltender on the couch. He dropped his head to your shoulders and made himself small, so you could take care of him the way he liked. And so with your favorite playlist playing and your fingers massaging gently at his scalp Carter fell asleep. 

He woke up with your voice distant, and a playlist still going, although it was not the Hozier one anymore. The room was darker than when he lay there, the only source of light coming from the open windows and one lamp, he noticed that you had lit a candle on the coffee table and that there was also a cup of water sitting there. 

Carter felt cared for and loved. He loved how your little details always made him feel better.

“I called room service, they’re getting our dinner here soon…” you appeared in the room again with your cellphone in your hands. “What’s up?” you asked, laying beside Carter one more time. 

The distance was little, and he thought about the way your friendship worked. It felt like more than friendship, and Carter took his time thinking about how he never sleeps with his friends like he sleeps with you. The way his friends cared about him but never the way you did. How he wanted to kiss you goodbye every time you parted ways and how he wished to just lay with you for as long as possible, just taking your scent in, enjoying your company, and your very specific playlists. 

“Hartsy?” you called again, confused with how he just zoned out. “Is everything okay? What are you thinking about?” 

He shifts on the couch, and now your faces are even closer. “Nothing...I was...this is a good song, never heard it.” 

You chuckled before directing your attention to the lyrics playing as background noise. Your heart did a little double-take, and you couldn’t help but turn your eyes to the face in front of yours.

“Friends just sleep in another bed, and friends don't treat me like you do. Well, I know that there's a limit to everything, but my friends won't love me like you. No, my friends won't love me like you.” 

You shivered when his thumb found your chin bringing your face even closer. It slipped through your face drawing little dots connecting every far end. You enjoyed the feeling, and though his hands were calloused, the pad of his fingertips felt soft and comfortable against your skin.

“Are we friends, or are we more?” his voice was so low you were sure if you weren’t staring at his lips, you would not understand. 

And when his thumb found your lips opening slightly, you closed your eyes, too overwhelmed with the new sensations to bother with an answer. You wanted him to crash the space between your lips and finally dive in, you wanted him to be more than friends, and you wanted to comfort him after everything. 

You wanted Carter and Carter only. 

You wanted to be more than friends.

Carter tested the waters by dipping his face and caressing your nose with his. He liked the way your faces seemed to fit in place, and he was determined to kiss you when the bell rang loudly in your room. 

“I have a saying for this,” you breathed out, wanting to laugh about the situation. “Aller Anfang ist schwer.” 

“And what does that mean?” 

“I’ll let you know later,” you fooled before getting up and going to answer the door.

Your legs were like jelly, and your mind was working at a fast pace, but still, you tried to keep composure.

Eating dinner after that interaction shouldn’t be easy, but it was for you and Carter, so he handled it so well it made you even more sure about how much you liked him. It wasn’t a real talkative dinner, but considering that hours prior, Carter was like a sad puppy, to see him smiling shyly at you was a victory. 

“Can I sleep here tonight?” he asked when you finished. 

“You already did,” you tried to mess with him, and Carter rolled his eyes before getting on the couch again. “Of course you can, Hartsy.” 

And so the rest of the night was just you and Carter randomly talking and listening to your playlist. He didn’t ask his question again, and neither did you, but you knew he was thinking about it when you went to bed. Especially laying there side by side. 

You were used with his naked chest and with his sleep pants, but it felt different that night, and the question keeps replaying in your head. So this time, you were the one to voice it. 

“Are we friends?” you turned to him. 

Carter sat in front of you, grabbing your hands. His fingers were cold against your palm, and you shivered one more time that day. 

“We’ve been ‘friends’ like this for more than a year, and even though I don’t know the turning point I know we are more than that and have been for a long time now,” his voice was firm like he was sure about what he was saying as he thought about it before. Your eyes dropped to your intertwined fingers, and you took a long breath before Carter started talking again. “Friends just sleep in another bed, and friends don’t treat me like you do...everything my friends do to me feels different when it comes to you.” 

It was the blink of an eye before your lips were connected, and you tried containing the growing smile between your lips. Carter’s lips were soft against yours, he felt like a summer day, one you waited a whole year for, and when it finally happened, it felt surreal. It wasn’t weird kissing him. It wasn’t odd sleep laying on top of him that night because it felt natural, it wasn’t anything new for the two of you. You were friends at the start, sure, but at some point, it turned into more, and you both handled it like it was only a friendship. You were happy to finally realize it had been more between each word, each interaction, each cheek kiss, and hug.  

Sleep came easy that night, for you and him. 

And even though his severe loss earlier, Carter felt valid.

You were there, you were his number one fan winning or losing, and he was happy he got to have a stable relationship with you. 

“Do you have a saying for that?” he asked jokingly.

“Unfortunately, no,” you held his face close, lips centimeters away. “But it doesn’t matter. I don’t want to spend time with sayings when I can spend time kissing you,” you confessed.

He chuckles, “Suddenly, life feels like a pony farm.” 

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